THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

Today a good peice from Slate that more articulately explains the sort of truth distortion that has dissappointed me and to which I myself have fallen victim. Slate's peice discusses the paradox of the war autobiography. But yet in everything I have read about the New Republic "scandal", people's shock at hearing soldiers make fun of a victim's melted face doesnt sound that alarming to me anymore. I need to read all of the NR peices but frankly from what I've heard about the points in contention, soldiers making fun of even the most horrific things is totally believable, for me it would be what would make the peice believable frankly.

http://www.slate.com/id/2171840

But because soldiers make fun of victims, does that neccessarily make them inhumane? Or , in fact, deeply human? Such emotionally driven politically incorrect spasms are pretty frequent amongst a decent number of folks I have encountered. My observations don't make an expert, but my experiences with soldiers of various ranks have taught me that nothing, and I mean NOTHING, is off limits to soldier humor. There are countless words for penis, vagina, sex, women, men, kids, foreigners, religions, weapons, you name it and there is an obscene name for it in the field. The more PC its supposed to be, the more inappropriate language it will receive. Its the way they make the horrifyingly obscene bearable I think...by making it funny you can laugh and get through it.

These jokes are not because our troops are callous, ignorant, or unmanaged, but because humor is a very human way of dealing with pain and horror. We make fun of that which we fear or feel guilty about, its a classic thing to do. A part of me has imagined what it could have been like to sit at a table with soldiers and victims mixed. How awkward both parties must have felt. The soldiers seeing the terrible effects of IED damage on a woman's face, the woman feeling a mixed sense of embarrassment, fear and anger. Neither side knowing how to handle this situation. (And if you think you do, you are lying to yourself). The silence making everyone squeemish...then someone (probably "that guy") had to say something. And when you put your average 19-30 year- old guy in a room with something that makes him feel bad, 9 times out of 10 you will get a joke of some kind. Its how they handle it, the end. What those soldiers did is perfectly believable but it doesnt make them monsters to me.

A friend of mine is a lieutenant in the Army and after being out in the field for months, he took leave for New Years Eve to have dinner with myself and a group of other civilian friends of mine. He knew a few people at the table but not most of them.

Throughout the night he appalled the table with jokes about anything from sex to missing limbs to farts to ejaculate. This guy is a good friend of mine and prior to spending alot of time out in the field rarely spoke in such a way. At first it pissed me off, but then I realized he was nervous and was resorting to the only form of social communication he had been using for nearly a year. I respect this guy alot, he serves his country very well and when interacting with him one on one is deeply personal and thoughtful. But group situations, new faces and a short amount of time to adjust to civilian "speak" probably was just too much to ask. He was doing things and living in a way that no one at the table could relate to. No one knew how to ask about his job, to exchange similar experiences or quibble intellectually with him on the long range gun power of the Chinese military. With a few more days at home my friend would probably settle down and regain his ability to socialize non-offensively, but for now it was how he was coping. And that was okay frankly. I think the military asks alot, we all ask alot from our soldiers and while this kind of behavior isnt "excusable" I do think its explainable.

I have spoken with soldiers about their use of humor and sarcasm(and written about it in a previous blog I think), for some of their jokes seriously offend the hell out of me, or just shock me at how ruthless they can be. I've been given answers like "It's how you deal" or "What else should we say" and that answer has to be good enough for me. Sure, I want a better answer, I want some neat pyscho babble about fear and insecurity, I want them to be more self aware. But those are my selfish civilian needs and expectations. I want them to make sense of their world for me, so I can make sense of mine.

Im also reminded (although I am trying to keep this brief), of an situation I was in amongst civilians that reminded me of the cruelty the NR reporter describes. I was in San Diego, land of the beautiful people, visiting friends of mine. I had arrived with a few friends of my own to their house but they were gone. We hung out in the courtyard of their apartment building and waited. During which, a young mother came out with her son who had some sort of birth defect which caused his head to be mishapen and his facial structure to be somewhat crooked. Despite his "abnormalities" he was beautiful and we played with him until my friends arrived.

When they did, they looked at me in amazement, as if I was playing with a baby bigfoot and literally asked in front of the mother "what are you doing!?!". I was appalled. Here these are, very well educated and priveleged people and they stared at the child as if he were a monster. The mother withdrew with her child, certainly embarrassed. Later that night, we were all hanging outside and the mother and child returned. People whispered and stared at the child as he skipped around looking at everything. Then a very svelt, gorgeous blonde scooted over to him and- keeping distance from him- yelped at him saying "no, dont touch that!!" when he approached the food table. It made me so sick I apologized to the mother and I left the party immediately. So to me, its not offensive that "these soldiers" would act so inappropriately, but that people, in general, sometimes really suck.

We want these soldiers to detail everything, be brutally honest and then when they do and we don't like what we hear, we call them liars or miscreants. I can't help but think of a quote I heard once, that consistently applies to the revolving door of "truth" I hear up at Walter Reed and the truth tug o' war I read in the papers: "Its not that I told a lie, its the the truth changed" and another that a Navy engineer once told me "Well, thats the truth, but its not accurate".

What makes a memory true? If they are true to the soldier, if that is how he or she felt, shouldnt that matter? Is the truth allowed to change with time? I think if its not what you like to hear, or see, or learn about our troops then that is YOUR problem, as it has been mine. These people do something the rest of us dont want to do and cant. If they deal with it in ways that seem grotesque to us, or unbelievable or obscene, so be it.

Making monsters out of them to me only proves who the real monsters are, those that sit and treat these people's stories as entertainment to be digested and debated rather than just heard and pondered. Sometime's its obscene, boring or callous, sometimes its down right sick, but my question is, what makes you so interested?



"It seems very pretty," she said when she had finished it,

"but it's rather hard to understand!" (You see she didn't like to confess even to herself, that she couldn't make it out at all.)

"Somehow it seems to fill my head with ideas -- only I don't exactly know what they are!

However, somebody killed something: that's clear, at any rate -- -" Through the Looking Glass and What Alice Found There

LEMMINGS


Then there are some days when I really draw a curtain around my feelings about the war, about the vets / soldiers, about the "insurgents" and terrorists and you know what....

Very very rich men have deceived very very poor and uneducated boys into committing suicide for them. On both sides. I mean lets look at it: in the West you have big rich guys with their own agendas coercing younger guys (who are usually pretty religious) into going off to "save the world" in the Middle East. And then over there, you have what? Very rich guys herding young men who feel optionless and who are also usually religious, in order to do their bidding. You think Osama or George or Muqtada or John F. is strapping a ruck sack or a bomb to their back and heading over there? Shit no. And I look at my generation of men, of young men, and what I have heard them say about their lives...that they feel meaningless, that they want to do something extraordinary, that they fear sitting in a cubicle for the rest of their lives and that they dont know what their doing with their lives. We've outsourced most of our manual labor and expect these guys to be happy typing on a computer. The world in a short time became solely about fulfilling every womans fantasy and desire. With mens desires being considered animalistic or selfish. Oh how the tables have turned. And executive Mom wonders why her son wants to go to Iraq.....

Some days I feel like telling them that they are employees, just like the rest of us, they just dont sit in cubicls they sit in the sandbox. Sometimes I feel like telling them that they are just stupid. Some days I dont feel sorry for one of them, if you want to go off and get yourself hurt for some rich asshole who doesnt give a shit about you then fine. These boys want their war and they want it bad. My generation of men have been raised to believe that most male skills are useless and we've stuck so many of these boys on drugs to cure their "ADHD". For fuck sake they are boys! Do we have any drugs to "cure" women of their constant paranoia, vanity or jealousy? No men have just been told to shut up and that women's flaws are about "needs" or "ambition".

The feminist agenda at some point, transformed from being about equality to being about domination. The oppressed became their oppressors. Schools, the workplace, social gatherings are all geared to appease and comply with womens needs, expectations and standards. Classrooms are for women now, and I guess they deserve it after years of oppression right? But in order to raise the status of women and girls does that mean we have to lower the status of men and relegate them to bullet sponges? Hillary voted for the war, so don't buy it for a second when she tells you she opposes the "Vast Right Wing Machine"....she runs the Vast Left Wing Machine that doesnt give a shit about these guys either.

I belive boys and girls are lost. Boys dont they feel like they dont have a role and the war gives them something to do. Girls believe they have to become president or a CEO in order to be successful. But genetic heritage is a serious thing and it doesnt disappear just because Title 9 is passed. On either side. I'm not defending male dominance but I can't abide female dominance either. Talk about mission creep.

Shit I cant escape the thought that sometimes I think feminism caused this whole thing. I mean look at it. Not that either side needs a legitimate reason to fight but I do think that both sides are fueled by some interesting gender issues. The boys over there don't want their women turning into our women and the boys over here dont want our women to become their women. Boys on both sides feel desperate, aimless and have urges that only a woman or a gun could satisfy and they don't know what to do about it. The real moral nightmare is that there are old men in charge who have these guys on a leash for completely different reasons.


I dont know where I'm going with this post, but its just some crap I had to get down on paper. It will probably be revised at some point. Sorry for the rant.

WOULD THE REAL CRAZY PLEASE STAND UP


It’s been several months, hell half a year nearly since my last entry and as I read through my own words I think two things: Jesus I talk a lot and wow this is a boring blog. But at the same time I never wrote it to be exciting to anyone else, I wrote it for me. I think there are some gems of clarity amidst most of the aimless ranting but I think this is also why I haven't been writing. At some point, as I had indicated in previous posts, my perspective-heck my motive- for volunteering and befriending veterans at WRAMC became rather clouded.

Course I've also had some logistical problems, one being that my sister wrecked my car and it’s taken me a while to get it fixed. Not having a car has pretty much put the breaks on me getting up to the hospital frequently, which I lament. But I guess the break was needed. I intend to reactivate my volunteer activity once I am driving next month, but will do so with restraint. I have still interacted with several of my friends up there and those that have left, but for a while there it all got to be too much.

And I feel like a wimp saying that and have felt like a wimp. Sure the car thing really cramped my style but I think a part of me was just really tired. Before I knew it, I was caught in a bunch of Malogne House drama and it really started taking a toll on me emotionally and professionally. Also the Washington Post articles brought increased scrutiny and suspicion from both patients and staff at the Malogne House. The Rec Director who used to call me frequently with volunteer opportunities stopped and the USO had to issue an email about volunteer decorum. I am not saying they threw the gauntlet down but the door was not as wide open as it had been for civilians trying to stay close to patients.

And rightfully so. A reporter had made herself into a Trojan horse and found a way to breech the "perceived" code of silence about conditions at Walter Reed. I've commented on her work repeatedly but combined with my own drama I think I really had just had enough for a while. I also just didn’t know what to do.

I had made friends with a few patients and we frequently hung out socially. I would occasionally do them favors (give rides, bring meals) but after a while with a few of them I just felt really manipulated. I went back and forth...is it okay that they are thinking selfishly, I mean they have given so much right? But then I started hearing things....once you spend enough time at the Malogne House no one is immune from accusation or suspicion. On the surface everyone seems so supportive (and in many cases they are) but behind closed doors patients talk a lot of shit. I suppose it is the same way when you are in the field (from what I've heard). And it makes sense; just because you get assigned to a unit doesn’t mean you have to like everyone. But the drama there is really overwhelming; at least it overwhelmed and disappointed me.

Mind you, I have never claimed that these folks are perfect. But I guess, and in two specific cases that I cared deeply about, I was really let down to find out that most of what these two patients had told me was a lie.

A lie. Shit what is a lie at this point? Hearing that a patient is basically faking her injury or that another patient is not taking his meds so he can receive a higher discharge / disability payment was pretty discouraging. Not that I was discouraged by these individuals mind you, but that the truth about their circumstances really made it hard to know what the right thing for me to do was.

Their reality was and is their reality. If the female patient I spoke about is faking the severity of her injury, maybe it’s because she doesn’t know how to go home, or has nothing to go home to. But I have to be honest here; I think this girl was pretty fucked up before she joined the military frankly. I think she’s been a drama queen from day one and really liked being a drop dead gorgeous girl in the military. Time after time she would tell me about the drama in her life and how all these guys were assholes and yet I would see her flirt her ass off with almost anyone. I'm no psychologist but this woman has severe mental problems, whether or not they were intensified by war is certain, and what is more certain is that she is the military's problem now.

At first when I met her I was truly sympathetic to her plight. It’s not easy being a woman in the military, and certainly not easy to be a woman in the Malogne House. While there are many families there, there are a lot of very young and very horny guys there to deal with. Watching her interact with various patients I began to understand why she was always getting into trouble. This girl is a major flirt and she lies like hell. About her past relationships, about her injuries, heck told me she was raped out in Iraq and then later laughed it off as a joke. I hated the feelings that I had about her. I hated how confused I felt around her and how manipulated. But I have to think that this is part of the readjustment back to civilian life right? But I’m not so sure. It wasn't just her; everyone I met up there would tell you one thing about their life only to have it refuted behind their back as soon as they left the room. I had gotten, (what I thought) was very close to this patient, only to find out that most of what she had told me was a lie. But if it was truth to her, did it matter? Is truth just a matter of perspective?

One of the guys that she had "befriended" used to act like her protective boyfriend. Pretty soon word came to me that she and he were fighting and weren't friends "no more". She said that he was a liar and he said she was a liar. They both accused each other of misusing their meds or being addicted to the wrong ones. The guy ended up going home and getting married over Christmas, apparently he had been engaged the entire time. When he told me he was married he looked at me confused and said "You knew I was engaged!" I certainly did not and he certainly never made it clear to me (nor did he act like it) that he was engaged. The female patient eventually went home for a while and the male patient returned and busied himself with getting out of the Malogne House so he could set up a new life with his young wife. Who apparently is an illegal immigrant....(?!)

Great.

Weeks became months and I didn't hear from either of them for a while. Which was fine with me as I really didn't know what to do or who to trust. I didn't go up to Walter Reed looking for a new social life and resigned myself to pulling back on the social aspects of my vet relationships and returning to more structured volunteer work.

Months later, I approached a third party adult (a Mother that I have referenced before) who I deeply trusted about these two patients. She knew them both closely as well, as they were all sort of permanent residents there. She explained to me how the female patient was faking the severity of her injury and that doctors had basically told her that there was nothing wrong. So what was she still doing there? The mother told me that she’s basically riding the system until she is forced to go home. No one is taking care of this woman basically. She is young, obviously psychologically troubled and is literally left alone in her room until the military gives her new orders. No one can get a straight answer from her about why her family isn’t more involved, or about the progress with her injuries. I've been tempted to march up to the hospital myself and demand answers about her, if only to try to get her the help she really needs.

Oh yeah and the male patient that I had trusted even more than the female one got a job selling guns in MD and apparently had to move out of the Malogne House because the military had found out he was living there with an illegal. Apparently he is not taking his meds because he wants to get a bigger disability payment.

Deeeep exhale.....

So I decided to approach the male patient with the information I had learned. I tried to trust that he would be honest with me and I wanted to approach him as a concerned friend rather than an accuser. When I asked about his meds he told me that his doctors had put him on the wrong medication and that is why he wasn’t' taking anything. Oh yeah and he also discredited the mother I had spoken to. He began to tell me stories about how "she was crazy" and "that family is fucked up". I felt as if I had no where to turn for "truth". The fact is that three years later, and months after this has all occurred I still can’t sort out my feelings.

When I first started going up there, as you might have read (for the few that are) I thought I was the one missing something as a civilian. I thought I was the one that was confused, and while I think that is still true, I guess I was naive thinking that would find the truth with the soldiers themselves.




So months have passed. I miss my friends, at least I missed the times we had before I really knew them I guess. For months I felt really shitty, about myself, about them, about the war in general. I had veteran fatigue and became pretty depressed. When I first started at the hospital I thought the world of these guys and girls and believed that everyone just had it wrong. But now I'm not so sure. I've been told that I am holding our military to too high a standard, that within any organization there are liars, cheats and thieves. I chewed on that a while, and it makes sense. I had made boy and girl scouts out of soldiers with checkered pasts. I did this selfishly, because it what I needed to believe. But believing something enough doesn't make it true apparently.

My friend is a union electrician and says that the union is the same way. Heck my cozy white collar office is the same way when I really think about it. Shit- I have my own skeletons and issues and fibs I tell to coworkers and even friends. Why did these patients owe me the truth when all they wanted was some company and a few laughs. I mistook myself for a confidant, when I was more like the bartender in an airport. People spill their guts, brag about shit and then leave forever. You can strip away all the bullshit we all tell eachother, the characters we play, but civilian or soldier we are all human. Was the simple lesson to be learn here that people aren't perfect?

When did I absolve myself and them of being human and flawed? Why did war change what I expected from people? Why did I assume it forced people to be honest, or somehow better people? How could I have been so delusional? Who's the real crazy one now eh? Did I deceive them into thinking that I was their friend when I was really maybe just a peeping tom, trying to sort my own shit out. Who is the liar? Who is using who? Me or them?

CAUTIONARY NOTE: My blog postings are basically chapters. Deal with it. Only meant for those looking for more than a soundbite and a place for me to capture my own thoughts as I continue to learn.


Hello friends,

Although you all know me to be pretty mouthy, my experiences over the past year or so volunteering at Walter Reed have actually managed to shut me up when it comes to the actual war debate. Once you begin to really engage with these brave folks, talking politics about "what they've done" becomes quite tedious and impractical. Sure, it keeps many folks careers and egos inflated, it sells books and ad space on TV, but rarely does it result in anything that directly affects my friends healing and dealing at the hospital.

However, this weekend's front page features in the Washington Post have prompted me to send a few thoughts out. The Post has been quite generous to veterans and injured soldiers (and families) as they have provided ample column space to their stories, especially throughout the last year. Whether or not this is politically motivated or not, I appreciate the constant spotlight on the amazing stories taking place there. However, recently, the Post's efforts depicting the experiences of our troops at W/R have caused me great concern.

I could enter into a exhausting debate over the ethical responsibilities of journalism, editorializing and the Washington Post's political agenda but I will spare you that litany. Quickly however, I wish to provide just a few specific points to those of you who happened to read these articles, in the hopes that you will factor them into your opinions. I would also urge that having an opinion on the media's coverage is very different than an opinion on the war. This has been a very illusive distinction for me to sort out myself, so I offer that guidance only out of my own reflection rather than an order. ;) These thoughts are not to discount the negligence the articles are depicting, as I have seen several examples myself of such apparent "negligence", but rather I hope my reflections and experiences can help place these "journalists" work in a context that might offer a more full picture of the situation that I see at W/R.


1. Keep in mind it is President's Day weekend. The President did not mention veterans or injured soliders and their families once in his state of the union address. And he is paying sorely for it. These headlines are no accident, as they are certainly directly meant to stare President Bush in the face and remind him of those affected by his policies.

2. Trouble on the blogospshere: The Washington Post had a severe PR fiasco a few weeks ago due to several blogs posted by foreign affairs correspondent Bill Arkin. I could get into this but I will let you research on your own. Although his "point" was to defend the legitimacy of the civilian point of view, the methods he employeed were disturbing and suggest a real ignorance to the military culture and soldier's experience. The most inflammatory comment he made was calling every single troop a "mercenary", which he later apologized for.

http://blog.washingtonpost.com/earlywarning/2007/01/the_troops_also_need_to_suppor.html

My musings on these "battles in the blogosphere" are here: http://civiliansyndrome.blogspot.com/2007/02/just-little-patience.html

Again, I will let you investigate that internet exchange but I only describe it because the blog postings received thousands of responses, many of which called for the WP to fire Arkin and even more requesting that their subscriptions be cancelled. I believe that the Post's recent efforts here are to try to do a little damage control in the "troop sympathy" department.

3. Assuming that If you aren't allowed in, that means there is something to hide. Certainly, Building 18 and the horror health care stories that are included in the WashPos peices deserve attention. CERTAINLY. However, the Post like many papers, has taken the position of assuming that because they are not welcomed with open arms that the hospital or the Pentagon is hiding something. I thought this too when I first started and still sometimes think that more could be done to try to embrace the media (but I've heard HORROR stories of their attempts to do so and how they were taken advantage of). Now, that being said, I think its INEXCUSABLE that certain information is either unknown or dismissed (like post-service suicide, drug addiction and homeless rates that are not being tabulated).

Here's a question though: If you have just had your face blown off in Iraq, do you want the first thing you wake up to in the hospital to be a hairsprayed reporter and a camera sitting bedside with you? If you are a family member do you really want to prioritize reporters needs above that of your loved one? Or even DEAL with reporters? I urge you to consider the issues of privacy that the military is trying to respect with these restrictive policies. And I will tell you that most of the folks I know at the Malogne House dont want to talk to reporters of any kind for fear of how they will be characterized. And that is THE TRUTH. If these stories arent "getting out", it is largely due to the patient not wanting to talk, rather than them being "shut up" by some official.

4. "Amortizing the negligence". While some of these are inexcuseable, I usually try to place them in a context as the hospital treats tens of thousands of people. Plus, my civilian complaints to the very patients themselves are often met with a "its not a big deal, welcome to the Army". I have begun to channel more of my upbringing as I continue to volunteer and befriend these folks, as complaining was certainly not an valuable practice in a large family. You either bucked up or you made things worse for yourself, I find that to be the case for many of my friends at the hospital. I have had to shake off my civilian reactions and learn (but not necc adopt) how the soldier or family member sees their circumstances, which has been quite a humbling experience as a seemingly well-educated Hoya. Certainly there are ideas that I have, and issues to be remedied, no one denies that.

5. The Rec Director and Malogne House director were not involved in that interview. This was done intentionally as the reporter aimed solely to find out what sucked at the Malogne House. When I first began volunteering I too thought of a million things I thought could be better. I can tell you that the Rec Director and Malogne House director, when they arent putting in tremendous amounts of overtime tending to the patients needs and running the hotel, they are overwelmed by calls from organizations, companies and private citizens offering goods and services. There is a screening process that is required in order to be allowed to do this, naturally. While this frustrated me at first, as these patients needs seem so immediate, I now understand that it is neccessary and responsible that they are careful with whom they allow on the premises. There is also a VERY careful balance of trying to fulfill the patients needs without spoiling him or her, as this can have a negative effect on their ability to return to their "normal" lives back at home. The Rec Director and Malogne House director are friends and mentors of mine, who could not have bigger hearts. Their job is usually thankless and extremely stressful. Yet no mention of the complexities of their jobs was mentioned, and if it had, it would have probably just made them sound like callous bureaucrats- which couldnt be farther from the truth. Like any organization there are pain in the ass rules, but I've learned that many of the rules are there for very good reasons. You'll just have to trust me on that or else this email would be even more painfully long.

6. The harsh reality of life as a solider. The public doesnt like to hear that soldiers have it tough. When the press gets wind of this they fan the flames of civilian sympathy and anger, which I am still struggling to qualify myself. While its important to engage the public into the lives of the folks I see there, I am concerned about the level of anger and rhetoric that such reporting encites.
No where did the report direct concerned civilians to donate or engage.
No where did it discuss the millions of dollars in donations that are offered to soldiers and their families through organizations and the VA.
No where was the work of organizations like the Armed Forces Foundation, The Wounded Warrior Project or the Alleethia Foundation mentioned. (Heaven help us if we actually describe the "fun" these folks are invited into while they are recouperating)
No where were the experiences or perspectives of doctors and caregivers included.

I could go into why these opinions matter (and its not cause they paint a rosier picture, but that you ignore a vast community that is mobilized just for these guys and girls)....but I'll spare you.

Actually, I take that back, the reporter did manage to mention "steak dinners" but only dismissively as if it was a pathetic attempt by the hospital to placate the soldiers with fancy meals of cheap beef. I have been to these steak dinners myself, and can tell you, that the soldiers truly appreciate getting off post, even if it means sitting and listening to some country music star talk about his granddaddy's service in WWII. Which leads me to my last point. (yes I am wrapping it up)

7. Underutilization, fatigue, and transportation in DC. The reporters description of the isolation, emotional fatigue and frustration of the soldiers is perfectly warranted. It has boggled my own mind how they expect patients to juggle all that they are asked, especially when they are coping with so much. I hear stories almost every time of a new paperwork situation. I myself have witnessed and heard stories about how the soldiers dont know how to get around (the city much less the hospital) and have often felt that a "handbook" (like the one she describes that doesnt exist) is a no brainer. The patients and their families have no idea how to navigate the city and are left to their own devices. Personally, I could get pissed and blame that on Bush, or Rumsfeld, or the hospital staff, but instead I wonder what we as a city could be doing to help them try to enjoy their time here. I dont make this "my problem" for those of you psychoanalyzing me, I just think the city could be doing more to actually "support the troops" then blame the government that we house. Sometimes its been like pulling teeth to get patients to come to USO basketball games, or even out in the city socially as its costly, logistically tough (cabs are a no go and you can forget metro) and the bars that skew their age tend to be loud and crowded (two things that arent easy to cope with when you are recovering from combat). If its hard to get them to have fun in the city, imagine what its like to try to get them to really engage with social workers for emotional/psychological issues. Plus, the meds tend to take care of everything. (although the reporters depictions paint the Malogne House as some sort of bizarre circus of drugged up goons-which is really frustrating and inaccurate).

However I will tell you this, when given something to really look forward to, like a personal visitor, or an outing one on one or engaging in an activity they personally like, their responsibility with their meds and enthusiasm for recovery tends to skyrocket. I am no doctor, but this is what I have personally witnessed through my own efforts. So who knows.....maybe I do sound like Pollyanna reading my locket... "If you look for the bad in people you will surely find it" in reference to the Post's "efforts". But I have grown so weary of the cynicism on both sides of this endless debate. I guess my efforts are psychologically helping me cope with that frustration, but so be it. Better that then wasting away on a barstool somewhere mouthing off to my fellow ivory tower blowhards I guess.....


I really tried to make this short. So apologies if you are weary. However, it is but a short rebuttal to the post's most recent coverage of what is needed at W/R. I guess I just wish that their work could be aimed at encouraging engagement of all, rather than just blaming a few decision makers. But that's not sexy. The folks working there really are working so hard. Many MANY times patients will often be silent about a complaint thinking that they will be there only a short while, so the problem goes unreported. This was overlooked as well. While I am sure that there is bureaucratic driftwood floating around the hospital (and have seen some myself), I just offer these thoughts out of fairness to the folks that have embraced and educated me in the past two years. There are so many wonderful days and moments that I have witnessed there, that it is hard to focus on the negative ones. We all just try to roll on, without rolling over.

In the end, I only wish that the public reads those articles and considers engaging rather than enraging.



http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/02/19/AR2007021900759.html

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/02/17/AR2007021701172.html

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/02/18/AR2007021801335.html

TOO MUCH LAUGHING IN THE PRESS ROOM


I will keep this short, I promise. I think the amount of laughing and joke making and snarkiness and attempted wit is DEPLORABLE. There are days where I feel like marching some of my friends from Walter Reed into the press room so they can sober that fucking room up. Everyone has their roles, they play characters and they have been in that room stinking it up with bullshit softball questions. Every single press conference becomes a test of intellectual willpower and rhetorical strategy rather than it does serious investigative reporting aimed at journalism rather than editorializing. The journalists have already written their stories by the time they interview Tony, and they go fishing for some equally snarky sound bite they can entertain their low browed readers with. All the while they laugh with their heads back as they entertain eachother and whisper to one another at how daft their questions are and how occassionally surprising Tony's candor is.

Either way, its sick. Scott McLellan may have been a bit snide and stubborn, but the antics going down in the press conference must stop. There is a fucking war on, with actual peoples lives at stake. These reporters chip away at Tony and Tony lobs back with some straight man jab. The time has come to kick some of these characters out of the press room and get serious. Les Kinsolving must fucking go. Helen Thomas should retire already, shes an embarrassment to journalism at this point. I have no idea how April Ryan got in the press room (not that I can explain Les' presence beyond blind ritual). Paula Cruickshank rarely asks anything substantive, choosing to use her position in the room to vamp up some random fringe cause or issue. Les though, might be the most embarrassing codger still propped up blabbering in a room filled with hot air. I literally heard him after the press conference ended saying "ah what a character, what a doctor, what a life, isn't it fun!" as the rest of the press corps laughed heartily at the latest of his wild accusations. Yeah, its a friggin blast, literally, just ask our troops that you are all so concerned about "supporting" through your courageous responsible work.

I just cant handle it any more. The situationn in that room is abysmal and the major MSM rags should be embarrassed at how lame and out of touch their reporters have become. Even for the sake of their own "poor embedded" colleagues, sober up, ask questions that matter, and then wrap it up. The time spent coddling these high browed psuedo intellectual stand up comics has to stop.



Sorry for the vitriol, but honestly, I'd take Scott's evasiveness way before this Stewart/Obermann inspired baffoonery. I am keen to the fact that the White House is "in on the joke", but I guess I just dont find the jokes that funny considering how serious this situation is. To me the press room, especially during a frigging WAR, should be somber and probing, not romper room.

I guess its been a bad CS day for me. Was at the hospital Saturday.

"JUST A LITTLE PATIENCE"....for the patients.

Well, I've written about "Stupid Civilian Syndrome" (SCS) and it appears that a certain Washington Post columnist is suffering terribly from this illusive malady. Lets all calm down, as outrage and anger only worsen the condition and intesify the sufferer's alienation. Knee jerk angry insults have been hurled back at the writer, which I have to say, will only embolden his opinion and pacify him from his own ignorance. The military that I know is patient, which I guess is the hilarious irony, because it seems that Mr. Arkin needs a little of his own medicine. He's certainly afflicted with general Civilian Syndrome(CS), as emotional exhaustion and cynicism are the prime symptoms, however the root cause of his CS is SCS. Allow me to explain.

Rather than dissect Mr. Arkin's arguments, which I could do in a million different ways, I'd like to talk about what I believe is in between the lines he wrote. As a fellow sufferer of CS and occasionally SCS, I can attest to the many forms that this syndrome can take. It's really hard to spot, and a lot like PTSD in that way. You really don't know how to spot it unless you've had it, and I can hear certain things in Mr. Arkin's peice that I'd like to reach out to rather than demonize. There are two main symptoms that I would like to address:

Symptom ONE: GUILT.

Guilt is a prime symptom of CS. Guilt can do a lot of different things to different people. I myself have wrestled with guilt in many forms on this issue, sometimes I don't even know I am feeling guilty, as guilt's proactive twin is anger or "frustration" as we now antiseptically call it. Getting to the root of anger can reveal several things, but when discussing the war, civilians often don't realize that for all of their finger pointing, a part of them does feel guilty. We are a guilt-free society here in America. Being "angry" isn't very hip or zen, and certainly a bespeckled WaPo intellectual would never admit to being angry, much less, express feelings of guilt or remorse. But we don't talk about guilt these days, I guess it's too much of a scary religious term, but guilt is a psychological experience as well. Guilt is one of the things that differentiate humans from animals, it's not a sign of weakness, though it is often treated as such and shamed in numerous ways. We've accepted that its "bad" to feel guilty, when in reality it’s a natural response.

Even as I myself read Mr. Arkin's response to the NBC interview he watched, I felt angry. I got angrier and angrier at his inaccuracies and assumptions. But rather than concentrate on my anger, I tried to figure out why it bothered me so much, beyond the inaccuracies. I felt the need to defend the troops instantly, but I don't need to. I know first hand of the troops' patience, which I will get into later. They don't need me to defend them.

And as I reread Mr. Arkin's column again and again, I searched. I searched for logic, hell I just searched for factual reporting as he is clearly either ignorant or callous to many of the things that troops and their families face. But I realized why his words ticked me off, because I was seeing myself in them. I was hearing anger and then reading as the writer systematically tried to absolve himself of his feelings and justify his rage. He sounds as if he is asking for patience on behalf of protesters, defending them even, in the face of an ungrateful veteran populace. However, you can't bullshit a bullshitter, and as a sufferer of CS, I can smell my own. This man is groping with feelings of guilt and he hates that.

Symptom TWO: Searching for answers.

Any wartime populace is going to feel anxious, for various reasons. But given the asymmetry of this particular warfare, the illusiveness of the threats and the endless rhetorical debate, confusion and panic also ride shotgun to wartime anxiety. The beautiful part about this country is that we are all free to say what we want and disagree, the hard part is living with the disagreements. Folks, we mistake democracy with something static, when it is an experimental process that hopefully, never ends. Humans, however, while amazingly adaptable, also still crave stability and "an answer". This lust for stability almost runs diametrically opposite to the ever spinning wheels of democracy, with the populace and in many cases, the psyche, feeling split. This doesn't feel good, it pits us against each other, and since we can't find some grand theory of everything we resort to blame, which again, leads us back to guilt. It’s a pretty vicious cycle. I feel like a pharmaceutical ad saying this, but "there is hope….."

Mr. Arkin doesn't have an answer for what we do in Iraq and as an intellectual this frustrates him. Actually it really pisses him off. And I've felt the same anger. I joke about Civilian Syndrome, but I think it's a very real thing. Prior to acknowledging it, I've sat at bars swilling bourbon after bourbon and ranted in my office sometimes about my anger at the confusion surrounding this war. Working with the vets and befriending them has been one of the most trying and troubling experiences of my life. "You mean we've got heat seeking missiles that we shoot from 200 miles out in the ocean and we can't find Osama!?" I've barked in my office. I've searched for answers, I've blamed everyone and I've prayed for clarity. I've met vets that have humbled me and ones that have embarrassed me. The veteran's stories are hard to sort out, they change almost every time I talk to most of them, but I think that reflects the way they are constantly searching for answers, clarity and "the truth" as well.

Some kind of clarity only came when I realized that I was feeling many of the same feelings that the injured soldiers that I work with (and have become friends with) were feeling. For a while I joked that I had PTSD from being around PTSD. And I've read a few accounts from injured imbedded reporters believing that they are experiencing what the soldiers are experiencing. But once I heard about a certain soldier's sweating and crying nightmares, or got to know a family living in one hotel room near the hospital that their father was in, I realized that what I was experiencing was very different. Mine was a different thing, it was more distanced, more a response than a true combat experience, which is where I came up with Civilian Syndrome.


Diagnosis: STUPID CIVILIAN SYNDROME

Civilians are just that, they are civilians. We aren't military, we didn't sign up to offer our life for anyone else, and we aren't cut out for battle. We mistake watching movies on our plasma screens, in the safety of our homes, for "knowing what war is like" and the war has become a show we can click on and off. But for service-members the reality is no show. There are no commercial breaks, nor rest from grappling with their experiences and decisions they made in the field.

I would urge Mr. Arkin to do a little more work with veterans rather than just watch them on TV. Once you listen to a soldier describe "The Dust" you realize that they literally lived and breathed the most stressful experience a human can ever possibly have. And you didn't- regardless of whether or not you believe the cause meritable. Of course many service-members join for many different reasons, some (most) having nothing to do with patriotism or valor and yes, a lot to do with what Mr. Arkin described as "a decent wage".

No Mr. Arkin, they did not have trust funds to fall back on, or big university educations to feel entitled to. Does it piss you off that they are not as well-educated as you? That you have to deal with their ignorant decision making and mindless call to service? Or does it piss you off because you feel that you can't do or say anything to change our circumstances. Your article speaks to a certain kind of desperation that is very sad. Because I can assure you these troops have been infinitely patient in ways that you will never have to.

Lastly, Mr. Arkin's patronizes the real economic needs of many people and families and belittles them by describing the gracious manner in which our country "takes care of their families." You sir, besides paying your taxes, do nothing for their families. Perhaps if you did, you would be a little less excited about patronizing their mercenary –whoops working class- "dirty work".


Treatment: GIVE DR. ARKIN A DOSE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE


The blog I have created is a tough one to reign in. Often times I feel like retelling the stories I hear, but I can't, they don't belong to me. They are not my stories to tell. This blog is about my own experiences, and troubles as a civilian trying to "make sense of it all". I sympathize with Mr. Arkin's anger and lust for accountability, I really do. This blog is my attempt to share what I feel and learn along the way, because I believe that a lot of us Stupid Civilians could use an outlet to share their confusion and anxieties. We like being the educated white collar elite, safely sitting behind our computers, blogging away about how much we know, spinning our big theories about how we would run things if we were in charge. But I blog to show how fucking confused I am sometimes, how lost I feel and to share how consistently misinformed I feel as I attempt to step beyond the looking glass and really interact with the "characters" we see on warTV. I thought my service to these folks would bring clarity, and as a result, I have become even more confused and as I've said, angry.

However, my service has also become the antedote to my anger. While new questions constantly abound, my anger is always squelched by the class and grace of veterans when they are confronted by us Stupid Civilians. Trust me, they nash their teeth in private, but the stoic warriors that I have befriended have taught me more about patience and class than anyone else in my entire life.

I once took two veterans to the Hill to meet their Senators. I won't describe their injuries but let's just say that they were recognizably impaired. The young gentleman was a midwestern Marine turned Army infantryman, and the young woman was a beautiful reservist who had previously driven "buffalos"(google it). We walked through the doors of the Hart Senate building followed by a heard of privileged college interns, chatting, joking and gabbing on their cell phones. These two veterans were about the same age as their intern counterparts, but certainly moved a lot slower. They both eased their way through the metal detectors setting both of them off. Suddenly the loud chattering behind us stopped and I glanced at a stunned crowd of fresh faced Hilltoppers as they tried to sort out what the hold up was.

It’s the sort of moment where nothing was said, but everything was understood. The difference between these two veterans and this group of interns was clear. The security guard waved them through and I thanked him for not searching them further. He pointed to the Marine ring he wore and winked at me as I guided the two further into the marbled hallways of the building. And the looks on the faces of those behind us were unmistakable. You know guilt when you feel it and see it. They didn't know what to say or do, so they just stood there like deer in headlights.

The veterans on the other hand, joked about it later. They joked about the shrapnel in their bodies and hadn’t really noticed how quiet the hallway had gotten. I think I noticed because I belong to that group, I knew what they were thinking because I had been one of them. But my spotting of civilian syndrome didn’t end there. I've blogged about "what not to say" in the past, but I was stunned by the callous attempts at sensitivity that Hill staffers offered to these two young people. Heres a sampling:

"What'd you do to your leg!"

"Sheesh, Iraq, how was that?"

"Wow, Iraq, its crazy over there huh?"

Although we certainly met very gracious folks. We went on a tour with a group of senior citizens, who were okay with going at a slower pace. Unfortunately, the veterans' meds kicked in just prior to the tour, which required that wheelchairs be procured, which was no easy task it turns out, and slowed our tour down considerably. The veterans were so apologetic that they had not timed their meds accordingly, but the tour group was so gracious and patient. Perhaps these senior citizens knew what these young folks were going through, in fact a few shared war stories along the way. A few staffers were very pleasant and respectful, but I found myself biting through my tongue at most of the idiot comments that were blurted out by a staffer who just didn’t know what to say. These folks worked for the people that voted for this war and didn't know what to say to those that had actually fought it.

All the while, the veterans remained calm, and infinitely patient, as they always have. I've witnessed them curse us civilians in private, but never, ever, in public. I have been seated on Walter Reed transportation buses shuttling vets to a basketball game and watched as folks threw their programs at the back of the bus. I have heard of injured soldiers mugged on the corner outside of the hospital with their own crutches while waiting for a cab on Georgia Avenue. I drive past angry protesters who scream, SCREAM, at patients and families as they enter the base. I have, indeed, heard stories of soldiers being spit on, cursed at and insulted. Sure the treatment is "better" than Vietnam, but are we really going to pat ourselves on the back for that? Is Mr. Arkin going to wave their jobs in their face and demand patience from a 21-year old who now has no legs? Requests such as Mr. Arkin's are irrational, which is why, rather than demean his logic, I appeal to his heart and ask him to examine why he is so angry.


As the old addage goes, point one finger at someone and there are three pointing back at you. Our soldiers are not perfect, nor are they in many cases Nobel peace prize winners or National Merit Scholars (although in a lot of cases they are). They are imperfect, but Mr. Arkin, they are by no means impatient. They too had to watch the misconduct at Abu Ghraib and Haditha. But rather than just bitch about it to their coworkers or write about it in the paper, they went out and had to deal with the repercussions themselves. They suffer through our endless lines of insensitive questions like "Did you kill anyone" or "How did that feel" without so much as a grimace. While the public agonizes for the war show to end and the pullout show to begin, these men and women-and their families- patiently do what they are told- regardless of if they agree with it. You have to deal with this war for a few more years, but they will deal with it for the rest of their lives.

You sir, are the impatient one. Like you, I too relied on the media to educate me about the war and relied on imbedded reporters to "tell me the truth". I am tired, if not exhausted by the constant streaming images of war and chaos. Those are natural feelings. But this war cannot and should not be captured in a sound bite and my exhaustion is accelerated by boomer journalists characterizing those they know NOTHING about. They write and speak about the personal feelings of soldiers only to fulfill their own personal or political agenda, while feigning "support" or sympathy.

Mr. Arkin, as a journalist you are afforded much more time, and paper space, to explain yourself and your feelings. I hope you examine them sir, and do more with the space you are afforded. Pointing the finger back that the troops is a desperate act meant only to quell the confusion you feel as a helpless civilian, and I share it. But there is something you can do as a sufferer of Civilian Syndrome, you can serve too. You're article has obviously sparked a spectrum of emotion; however I urge you to visit the hospitals, volunteer with the USO or any veterans group for that matter rather than sit perched behind your laptop. Write about what you find there. You won't find answers, but perhaps you might be able to transform your anger into something far more productive and enlightening for everyone.

Oh and PS Mr. Arkin, you might want to peruse the "peaceful" protests of the following church group. Are these the certain folks you are demanding patience for? For god sakes, they show up at funerals for fallen soldiers....but yes, you are right, its the injured patients enduring months of grueling physical rehab, the active duty soldiers sweating in the middle eastern hell, and the fallen and their grieving families are the ones that are the ones that need to be patient while you try to intellectually sort out what they have to emotionally deal with.

http://www.godhatesfags.com/photos/2005/20051203_palmer-ia.html

Christmas Eve, Im walking out of my last store for the night, just grabbing a few stocking stuffers and the clerk says to me "Merry Giftmas". I paused and looked at her and just said "Thats really sick". I felt kinda bad being so harsh to such a perky thing, but honestly.

Mom Sends Silly String to Iraq


I seriously can't wait to hear about this reimbursement item in a Congressional earmark for the VA.

STRATFORD, N.J. - In an age of multimillion-dollar high-tech weapons systems, sometimes it's the simplest ideas that can save lives. Which is why a New Jersey mother is organizing a drive to send cans of Silly String to Iraq.

American troops use the stuff to detect trip wires around bombs, as Marcelle Shriver learned from her son, a soldier in Iraq.

Before entering a building, troops squirt the plastic goo, which can shoot strands about 10 to 12 feet, across the room. If it falls to the ground, no trip wires. If it hangs in the air, they know they have a problem. The wires are otherwise nearly invisible.

Now, 1,000 cans of the neon-colored plastic goop are packed into Shriver's one-car garage in this town outside Philadelphia, ready to be shipped to the Middle East thanks to two churches and a pilot who heard about the drive.

"If I turn on the TV and see a soldier with a can of this on his vest, that would make this all worth it," said Shriver, 57, an office manager.

The maker of the Silly String brand, Just for Kicks Inc. of Watertown, N.Y., has contacted the Shrivers about donating some. Other manufacturers make the stuff, too, and call their products "party string" or "crazy string."

"Everyone in the entire corporation is very pleased that we can be involved in something like this," said Rob Oram, Just for Kicks product marketing manager. He called the troops' use of Silly String innovative.

The military is reluctant to talk about the use of Silly String, saying that discussing specific tactics will tip off insurgents.

But Lt. Col. Christopher Garver, a U.S. military spokesman in Baghdad, said Army soldiers and Marines are not forbidden to come up with new ways to do their jobs, especially in Iraq's ever-evolving battlefield. And he said commanders are given money to buy nonstandard supplies as needed.

In other cases of battlefield improvisation in Iraq, U.S. soldiers have bolted scrap metal to Humvees in what has come to be known as "Hillybilly Armor." Medics use tampons to plug bullet holes in the wounded until they can be patched up.

Also, soldiers put condoms and rubber bands around their rifle muzzles to keep out sand. And troops have welded old bulletproof windshields to the tops of Humvees to give gunners extra protection. They have dubbed it "Pope's glass" — a reference to the barriers that protect the pontiff.

In an October call to his mother, Army Spc. Todd Shriver explained how his unit in the insurgent hotbed of Ramadi learned from Marines to use Silly String on patrol to detect boobytraps.

After sending some cans to her 28-year-old son, Shriver enlisted the help of two priests and posted notices in her church and its newsletter. From there, the effort took off, with money and Silly String flowing in. Parishioners have been dropping cans into donation baskets.

"There's so much that they can't do, and they're frustrated, but this is something they can do," said the Rev. Joseph Capella of St. Luke's Church in Stratford.

The Shrivers said they would not mind seeing the string as standard-issue equipment, but they don't blame the military for not supplying it.

"I don't think that they can think of everything," said Ronald Shriver, 59, a retired salesman. "They're taught to improvise, and this is something that they've thought of."

Marcelle Shriver said that since the string comes in an aerosol can, it is considered a hazardous material, meaning the Postal Service will not ship it by air. But a private pilot who heard about her campaign has agreed to fly the cans to Kuwait — most likely in January — where they will then be taken to Iraq.

Shriver said she will continue her campaign as long as her son is overseas and she has Silly String to send.

"I know that he's going come through this. I hope they all do," she said.

A Different Christmas Poem

Written by unknown, forwarded to me by a friend.

The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.
My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,
Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.

The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the
sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.
My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.

A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.
"What are yo u doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"

For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts..
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,
I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night." "It's my duty to stand
at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother..
Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."

"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son." Then his eye welled a
tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

Iraq Study Group Report Released


Just for posterity.

http://www.usip.org/isg/iraq_study_group_report/report/1206/iraq_study_group_report.pdf

Power, Privelege & The Twins


As I have said, this blog is not only my soapbox but my scrapbook. Below is the text from a Slate peice from this morning. I'm sure I'm breaking some sort of publishing law, so I'm sorry. Rather than have to dig through Slate's archives in a few years I just wanted a copy of the peice for myself.

First a few thoughts: I don't agree with everything Kinsley says in this peice, but I do applaud an effort to engage in a dialogue about the priveleged accountable for how they can be involved in our war effort(which includes myself). I am the granddaughter of a former Southern politician and I can assure you, he had my parents and his grandkids stomping the pavement and truly serving the public more than he posed for glamour shots outside of deb events. He was no saint, I am sure, but we all grew up knowing that we could do more and that it was a real privelege to be able to serve rather than be served. That was the sort of obligation the ruling class was expected to have back in the day. The era of "privacy for the priveleged" has enabled the skirting of the sort of civic obligations my grandfather made us all believe we had inherited. And yes, because of what he chose to do we all were obligated to fall in line, and I couldn't be more thankful.



I also happen to think that daughters, in general, get off light. If Bush had two twin sons you better believe they would have to do SOMETHING if they weren't actually serving. Why are these ladies so cozy being coddled by the press? Apparently, Jenna has the jutzpa of her Dad, so why doesn't she shrug off the smug MSM and start showing up bedside to some of these boys? Heck, if these girls love to party, I throw mini-vet events around town and they are more than welcome to come tip a few back with some amputees (I even one at the bar they held their Halloween party at last year so they'll know the place). These girls (and I include the Donk chicks, cause trust me you don't get more priveleged than the Gore girls), seem to enjoy a very cozy womb of scrutiny security because no one "expects" them to boot up. This chivalrous attitude is not only insulting, its a wee sexist if you ask me. When did it become tacky for the priveleged to perform service? I say, let's go ladies....time to shed the popped Ralph Lauren collar for a oversized, unflattering & untailored USO golf shirt. Enough with the Vanity Fair and runway attendances, time to start wrappin' some care packages! If they don't know where to look, just go to my EXTRA ELVES blog to find all sorts of opps. ;) (Shameless ELF promotion-ha)


HOWEVER, a more daft peice would have included equal scrutiny of the Dem daugheres...and I am sure numerous other sons and daughters of the decision makers in this town. I don't really get how Chelsea is "serving her country" (I believe she works for a bank in NYC), but nonetheless, I'm all for shining a little light on the dance floor demographic that doesn't have to serve, but should do something. Believe me, the bar at Smith Point (an exclusive dive in Georgetown) was once a "Bush hang out" and trust me, it's as purple as ever. These "enemies" mix and mingle and talk about "the war in Iraq" over cosmos like cubical rats discussing Grey's over a watercooler. But I'll write another post about my experiences bringing some soldiers out in Georgetown later....



YET, I am sure that any of these popped collars, should they desire to go shake hands with troop members laid up at any of the hospitals, would be equally criticized for patronizing our troops in some way, so they are pretty damned if you do I gueessssssssssss. But I sure know some boys up at Walter Reed that would get quite a kick if the B-Twins paid them a visit. Right now, they may be the best PR their father has.


Either way, heres the peice.



Sins of the Father
How Bush's family life opposes his rhetoric.
By Michael Kinsley
Posted Monday, Dec. 4, 2006, at 9:05 PM ET

It is not the fault of Jenna or Barbara Bush that their father, the president, has gotten us into a war that he doesn't know how to get us out of. And, although you can blame parents for almost anything, George W. and Laura Bush are no longer responsible for the behavior of their twin daughters, who by now are in their mid-20s. Presidents, like the rest of us, don't get to choose their relatives. Remember Billy Carter?

Anyway, Jenna and Barbara are far from George W. Bush's biggest familial problem. The law of averages has given him at least one ne'er-do-well brother—Neil. The biggest familial thorn in the president's side is probably his father, always ready (or so it seems) to send out a Brent Scowcroft or a James Baker with some patronizing and excruciatingly public advice for the young pup. As for the twins, we actually know next to nothing about them. George and Laura Bush made the wise decision to keep them out of the limelight and—with surprisingly little slippage—they have managed to enforce this policy on the press, on the Republican propaganda machine, and on the girls themselves. Good for them.

From what little has leaked out, it seems that Jenna and Barbara are party girls, who like to drink and dance until the wee hours with aristocrats and frat boys. Jenna is interning for UNICEF in Latin America (not actually teaching kids, as originally reported, but involved somehow in education). The twins recently took a trip to Argentina. Their first night there, partying in Buenos Aires, Barbara lost her purse to a thief.

So, it would appear that George W. Bush's daughters are not Amy Carter or Chelsea Clinton or Karenna Gore. So what? Are you surprised?

Nevertheless, there is a war on. It's a war that has killed 3,000 Americans, most of them around Jenna and Barbara's age or younger. It has killed hundreds of thousands of Iraqis of all ages. And even more Americans and Iraqis have been injured, lost limbs, suffered excrutiating pain. President Bush can be quite eloquent in talking about the sacrifices of American soldiers and—he always adds—their families. In the Reagan style that has become almost mandatory, he uses anecdotes. He talks of Marine 2nd Lt. Frederick Pokorney Jr.: "His wife, Carolyn, received a folded flag. His two-year old daughter, Taylor, knelt beside her mother at the casket to say a final goodbye." And of Staff Sgt. Lincoln Hollin, who "in his last letter home from the Middle East … said how much he appreciated getting mail from his family. He added, 'I wish my truck and boat knew how to write.' "

Bush says truly, about the American dead, "They did not yearn to be heroes. They yearned to see mom and dad again and to hold their sweethearts and to watch their sons and daughters grow. They wanted the daily miracle of freedom in America, yet they gave all that up and gave life itself for the sake of others."

Living your life according to your own values is a challenge for everyone, and must be a special challenge if you happen to be the president. No one thinks that the president should have to give up a child to prove that his family is as serious about freedom as these other families he praises. But it would be reassuring to see a little struggle here—some sign that the Bush family truly believes that American soldiers are dying for our freedom, and it's worth it. Who knows? Maybe they have had huge arguments about this. Maybe George and Laura wanted the girls to join the Red Cross, or the Peace Corps, or do something that would at least take them off the party circuit for a couple of years. And perhaps the girls said no. But I doubt this scenario, don't you?

The opposite approach to this question is taken by Jim Webb, the incoming senator from Virginia. Webb seems to believe that because he served in Vietnam, anyone who could have but didn't should shut up. That includes people who opposed that war—that is, who got it right—as well as those who supported it. Webb's son is serving in Iraq now, and—in a gesture that would throw Dr. Freud for a loop—Webb wears the son's combat boots. At a White House reception for new members of Congress, Webb avoided the receiving line, and then, when Bush came up and asked him how his son was doing, he basically told the president to flake off. Webb's self-righteousness can be obnoxious. But at least he is being morally serious.

At first it seemed like a brilliant strategy—repellent, but brilliant—to isolate most Americans from the cost of the war in Iraq. It's starting to seem a lot less so. As the deaths and injuries mount, more and more people are touched by the war—and become understandably resentful of those who are not. Bush, in his speeches, is eloquent about what no one doubts—the sacrifice—but banal about what most people have come to doubt: the purpose.

But no amount of eloquence can overcome the bald contrast between that rhetoric and how his own family lives. His daughters are over 21, and he can't control them, but that doesn't let them off the hook. They are now independent moral actors, and their situation requires that they either publicly oppose their father's war or do something to support it. Is it unfair to expect Jenna and Barbara to shape their lives around their father's folly? Of course it's unfair. If this is war, then unfairness comes with the territory.

Men For Others: They don't serve so you won't have to, they serve because you don't have to.


Okay this will be a flat out rant. Nothing else. And now, a deep inhale......


You know its odd, many doors can open for you, but there is always one that stays stubbornly closed, and that is always the door you want to open the most. Its a vice of mine, a major one, that I harp on about such closed doors, when I should be thankful for the ones that have opened. But its hard and I can't. I want this door, right here, this one, with its shiny handle and varnished wood to open, others be damned.

This door is a door to the world of the young upper class college grad. I could name schools specifically, but I won't. I've made it obvious where I went to college, and while much of my disappointment has to do with my fellow Hoyas, I've experienced it from many other alums from many other schools. Ugh, this post feels like such a waste, but I have to get it out and just close the book on my anger once and for all. But somehow this demographic continues to find new ways to disappoint me, hell, even to mock and patronize me and my efforts.

Its not bad enough I have had, and our vets have had to tolerate the extreme ignorance of the college graduate on Capitol Hill from staffers and various tie-wearers, but on top of Stupid Fucking Civilian Syndrome, I am inventing a new illness, Callous Asshole Syndrome. Thats right, this is a very different, but related malady that deserves its own nomenclature because it goes way beyond ignorance and steps right into offensive fucker territory.

These "priveleged" "educated" folks that I went to school with, that I have the unfortunate responsibility of sharing a generation with, have really found some creative ways to be obtuse and so utterly disappointing it has literally sent me into a very melancholic state. What, pray tell, could have catalyzed such an enthusiastic person into a depression so bad she has had trouble getting up and doesn't even have the energy to cry?

A Christmas Party. A Christmas "Extravaganza" actually. Thats right, a party made me depressed. I know, I have real problems.

This Christmas/Holiday whatever party started off as an insider BYOB party at my buddy's house. These guys have a penchant for the extravagant mind you, and I often endulged their extreme ideas with artwork, decorations, music and animated antics myself. I missed the parties when I lived out in LA, and went to one the year that I returned to the East Coast. Even before I started volunteering with the vets the whole thing turned me off. It had become this minor celebrity event, with people spending alot of money on dresses, limos and tickets. The price now is up to 50 bucks, which brings us to the climax. I'll skip on the commentary, I am sure one can imagine what a 50 dollar DC yuppie party entails. I am sure you can imagine the people (who I am sure are "good people"), the versace dresses and clinking highball glasses, so I'll spare us.

By the time of last years party I had started volunteering at W/R and didn't really feel like spending money on the party. I would have rather spent the money on a grill out behind the hospital and to be honest, I just didn't have it. And I certainly wasn't going to go broke trying to get there. A dress, taxis, shoes, whatever, it ended up being an expensive night and this was also post Katrina. Considering the fact that my family is from NOLA and we were only a few months out of the disaster, again, spending a bunch of money partying with the priveleged wasn't my cup of Christmas punch.

I had also, in vain, tried to nudge these boys into making the party a small fundraiser that year for Katrina. Just tacking two bucks to the ticket price or putting a jar out for donations, SOMETHING, but no. I was flatly told "This is a drinking party, we give enough". As if this demographic needs more parties! He acted as if they all spend their days slaving away to make the world a better place. Please. As an upper class, "well-educated" DC yuppie myself, I can tell you. All these people do is party. A week doesn't go by that they arent off to some destination wedding, bachelor party, guys night weekend, girls spa day, work happy hour, networking happy hour, alumni party, homecoming, vegas baby vegas trip, NCAA tournament, ski New years party or what. I even got invited to a "best buy bar crawl". Where apparently the host thought it was "FUNNY" to dress up in best buy employee "costumes" and bar hop. I was being a "party pooper" by questioning why this was funny? Or even fun for that matter. He was planning on handing out Employee Awards "The Office" style and nametags. This was all a fucking riot to dress up as employees you had never been apparently. I don't know, the irony of dressing up as the employees who probably have to deal with his uptight, needy, rich boy ass seemed so staggering. I came really close to rounding up some real Best Buy employees and showing up at the party to see how funny this would be.

Anyways, Tequila Tours, hashers, Funny sweater parties, martini parties, OC parties, Grey's Anatomy parties, iPod parties, horseraces, over the top baby showers, exotic island getaways and cruises, it never fucking ends. Date functions, tailgaiting parties, balls, golf, oscar parties, you name it and my generation has found a way to turn it into a party. The only thing I cant seem to turn into a party is supporting our troops.

In an attempt to capture this "have to party" mentality, I figured I could throw some parties at bars that my friends knew and invite some of the local W/R boys out. That way, no one was forced to be in a place they didnt want to be, out of obligation. The boys dont know where to go, its hard to interact in this city as a civilian, but doing it with missing limbs, or tolerating the inane conversations routinely overheard in bars about the war, cant be good for the game or the psyche. Most of the time these folks spend time being depressed about how much DC sucks, rather than what they experienced in war. Imagine that. DC is worse to them than IRAQ. And I wonder why.....lets see.


***Disclaimer: This is not to say that there arent a great many groups (usually run by older folks) trying to do their best for these guys. Wounded Warriors, USO, Armed Forces Foundation, Helping Our Heroes, Fallen Angels etc....excluded. They are working overtime, but most of those events are group oriented and sometimes, a guy just wants to get around town on his own and meet a few new people.

Anyways,

You take a group of young people, 18-25 and plop them dead center in the middle of the most ethnically, racially, religiously, economically, culturally, politically hostile environments in the history of humankind. Then when they get blown up you send them to Georgia Fucking avenue, possibly one of the more dangerous, less inviting, ethnically complicated neighborhoods in the city to "recoup" and "reorient". YAH. These guys are getting robbed, held up and ignored by cabs while waiting right out front (this is after hobbling about a quarter of a mile from the hotel where they are staying to the front gates as cabs wont come on base usually). They try to go out, but the cabs alone cost 30-40 bucks to get to a decent part of town. Once they are there, they are expected to "relax" in crowded, fashionable bars filled with the very folks I graduated with, as they discuss the major issues in the world while swaddled in their latest J Crew purchase. They also expect these guys to metro it. Yeah, as if. "Here you go soldier!! Head on down that very steep escalator and then heard yourself into a crowded train so that you can get pushed around and not offered the handicap seat by someone sitting reading the express with a fucking ipod in!" Yeah, thats gunna work.

I know some guys who will take the metro, but most wont and cant. The reasons are both physical and emotional. But anyways, back to my story. I know I'm ADD here, but I said this was a rant. And nothing else. I am sure there are some logical points here that I should try to do justice by, but I dont have time for that.

So anyways, Ive been trying to throw these parties, just casual social gatherings, stick a few bucks in the jar for a certain org that is trying to assist the vets. Nothing major. Moderate to low turn out, but I remained hopeful. So many of these upper crust folks said that they were going to forward the invitation around, I doubt that happened and in many cases I know for a fact it didnt happen. These folks have massive email lists, for all of these fucking jerk off parties they throw and not one of them ever cc'd me on jack shit. I also know it doesnt happen cause I've asked people on these distros if they ever got anything from a certain person and they say no. Everyone says yes in public. but they all say no, privately, again and again. After two or three of these events I realized that I was working harder to get these folks out than I was trying to get the vets out and social. I also noticed that I could literally cut the attendees and regrets (if they took the time to regret) down the middle by economics and education. My public school, working class friends would metro and commute in for these parties and my fellow ivory tower grads would say they were coming and then bail. Somewhere, Im sure there was something far more fashionable or entertaining to do than tip a few back with some vets staying here in the city.

Now I know I'm not supposed to care. I know I should consider such ire for such simple minded callous folks, but I can't get over it. I am sure that this somewhere deep has to do with some need to be liked, or acceptance, but really I could care less if they show up for me...this has to do with saying you are going to do something and then doing nothing. It has to do with flaking and privelege. I try to channel my energies, don't let them get to me, work with what you have and all that. But no. I can't and I don't care if I sound like a jerk saying it or some pathetic jealous loser. Its about time these guys were called out on how selfish and callous they are. And I can't find it in my right mind how this isn't "everyones issue" not just mine. We sat in college together and discussed terrorism, foreign policy, political science, the elections, foreign governments and shared a bowl occasionally while discussing conflict resolution. We sipped beers and watched the elections and argued, and on 9-11 we were in DC watching the Pentagon burn from our dorm apartment buildings. Yet these guys went off to war to allegedly try to make the violence stop and gave alot of themselves trying to protect our safe little college student asses. Most of them getting no where near college themselves. They dont serve so you won't have to, they serve because you don't have to. This is all economics to me now. Its become so clear. The poor boys fight for the rich boys. Got it. Somehow the rich boys end up going to law school, running for office and voting for a war and sending the poor boys kids off to war 30 years later though....and we rich kids just keep watching from the safety of our priveleged dorm rooms, apartments, televisions and ipods.

Am I jealous of how happy they are? Am I jealous that they have money to play around and I dont? Who knows, maybe, I am sure someone will analyze this as some jealous rage, and maybe you are right. But I bet I'm not alone. Its one thing to be selfish, but to me, apathy is the gravest sin. Tell me that you can't handle it, tell me that its a hard issue for you to distribute, tell me that you aren't sure this is the best approach. Give me something! but dont fucking lie to me and tell me that you are really excited and want to help when you fully know you wont. A jesuit at Georgetown, one that knew more financial aid kids than popped collars, once described a few of these private high school graduates, mainly boys, by saying, "Yeah, that kids a high school hero, college zero". These are the boys that dangle their prep school key chain from their pocket and talk about how they went on Kairos in high school and ran the student government. Most of the time, they spend their college days as big men on campus, who talk about their "jesuit education" almost anecdotally.

So, anyways, not to wander into another rant, Ive had these little social parties and the vets have really loved them, even though barely anyone shows up. They say they are just happy to be out and not be at the hospital. They are so gracious and appreciative. But inside I'm stark raving mad at all of the people that stood them up. People often begin texting me "is it fun, should we come" at around midnight, and I'm like, go fuck yourself. I dont actually say that, I will often patiently reply with something enthusiastic, which they will then ignore.

So my parties were one thing, but this Christmas fucking extravaganza is quite another. A friend of mine has a sister that because of these parties has begun dating one of the vets at the hospital. She knows about this big party and was planning on taking him. He tells a few people that he is going to this big DC party and next thing you know I have some vets calling me asking about it. Course they get pretty quiet when they hear that its 50 bucks. So I try to take the initiative and make a few calls and IM a few folks. Tyr to make something happen....

I ask politely, as I know the big party isn't a money maker. I know alot of people make a big investment to make this party happen, but I also know that these people make alot of money. But I still ask politely, whether or not any special discount could be applied to just a few tickets so that I can bring some of these boys to the party. Flatly, my "friend" told me no.

After a bullshit description of how the party doesnt make money and all that, even though 400 people show up (or more) and even though I have seen these guys sneak people in with my own eyes, and even though the collared Jesuits that show up probably don't pay (even though they spring for sweet bartabs frequently for these boys), a discounted ticket was totally out of the question. He acted like I had asked him to include a limo and a hotel room.

He also said something that shook me to the core.



"Also, itll be depressing".





Like a fucking battleax to the heart, followed by slow agonizing scrapes on the eyes with a rusty fork is how I felt like I was being treated. And how I thought the vets were being considered. Depressing reminders for what is supposed to be a "good time". He asked me why I had to make "my issue everyone elses problem." I told him I wasn't trying to do that. That I was just in an awkward spot trying to explain to these guys that I was going to go, but couldn't bring them along. I told him it was just hard to say no or make some excuse up. Regardless, just ick. EGH. I held it together and told him thanks for his consideration and that I hoped he could reconsider it and maybe find some sponsors looking to show some vets a great time. He told me not likely, and in general was a smug little bastard about the whole thing.

I would later bump into some friends of this scoundrel and they asked me why I hadn't bought my tickets yet. I told them that my "dates couldn't afford the tickets".


So yeah, go Jesuit educated "men for others". Yeah, others just like them.

Point of Impact



I am not a media critic, nor do I wish to make myself out to be some well educated critic of national security policy or political scientist the first amendment and the roll of free press. I am just a normal civilian with common sense who believes that Anderson Cooper, and the rest of the CNN editorial staff should be ashamed of themselves.

Their decision to wrecklessly publicize snuff sniper footage was weeks ago, however its apparent that their lack of follow up on the matter reveals their motives to be purely editorial with the sole agenda of driving ratings. They reference their endless moral and professional debates in several blog entries related to the episode, however I feel it necessary to reflect upon several aspect of their decision now that the elections are over and we are off to the races for 2008.

I have waited for a few weeks to reconsider my initial feelings and thoughts about their airing of the sniper footage as "news", hoping that some distance and time would reveal something I had missed, or calm me down. But it hasn't.

I don't want to get into some larger macro theories here, I wish to comment solely on the specific decision of this news organization to publish such footage, the way in which they cut and edited it and called it "news" as if they were providing some higher responsibility to the public.

To make such a claim, is a complete and utter farce. While there are several reasons why this coverage sickened me, one very specific reason rises above all others. This footage wasn't new at all. It's been on the internet for MONTHS.

Why do I know this? Well, YouTube has been one of the ways I embellish my civilian war experience and try to curb my SCS (Stupid Civilian Syndrom). Granted, I recognize the inherent voyuerist that this makes me, but the videos, footage and writings on the internet are really the best one can do, besides actually knowing someone, or going there yourself. Do I need to restate my awareness that not everything on the internet is reliable, I hope not….

Weekly I will take a spin to see what is out there. Like anything on the internet there is trash and then there are pearls. I totally feel like a voyeur when I stumble on someone's homemade slide show of their friend, spouse, sibling, daughter or son, who is either serving or who has perished, as often it is Youtube's public forum that is used for the distribution of private video messages to loved ones. Sometimes when its certain that its a private message to a loved one, I click it shut. But if its a memorial video, I tend to leave it open. I want to see who these soldiers are to their loved ones, I want to see who they were before they left and how they are remembered. I want to know who died trying to protect my life, futile as it may seem to some. I've cried many times watching these slide shows, maybe thats weird, and I hope it doesn't offend the folks that I have peeped in on. I'd like to thank them for sharing their son or daughters life with the anonymous world, its basically the only way we can know who the "soldiers killed" are or were besides non-descript anonymous headlines.

One day I stumbled across something far different than anything I had seen. This was about five months ago. I clicked on "sniper" or "juba" I can't remember which and a video popped up that I had never seen. It was about ten minutes and was fucking awful.

I've never really seen a live human being shot before. I've never seen how the body collapses or buckles when a bullet tears through clothing and pierces skin. But that was what I was watching, over and over and over and over and over again. And no, it wasn't like a movie, actors seem to overact these moments now that I have seen a real person get shot. Nothing about this footage was entertaining, it was gruesome and chilling.

One after one, after one, after one, about 15 seconds of footage of a soldier standing watch, talking to someone, adjusting something or just walking, then- in a blink -the bodies buckled and collapsed. In some cases, the puff of white smoke from their body armor still in the air above them. It almost looks like a human moving in fast forward, the footage is slow and aimless before, and then SNAP, the soldier has hit the deck. You would think that someone had cut the ligaments behind their knees they fall so fast. The immediate collapse of some of the victims was startling. I imagine some sort of struggle, but most of them, it was just SNAP and BAM, on the floor. Nothing like TV or the movies. There's no big glory moment, where the arms go up, the eyes roll back and they grasp at their limb or chest in pain. Not at all. This was real sniper footage I was watching.

I probably watched that footage a dozen times. Not in a row mind you, I don't want to sound like a freak, I just wanted to get to the point to where I could watch it without flinching. I wanted to desensitize myself, on purpose, but I never could. There is still something that makes me shudder when I even think of the footage now. I hadn't watched it again until recently, when I saw CNN's "news story". I hadn't seen the story live on CNN, but a dozen or so people had asked me if I had seen the story, based on the familiarity I had with "Iraq footage". Often I would bring up something I've seen to a few select friends , so naturally, the day the piece aired, these same friends emailed asking my opinion. I hadn't been watching that night, but when I saw the CNN piece on Youtube I couldn't believe what I was watching.

Sidebar: I do recognize that I may look like a hypocrite writing about this footage so graphically, when I mean to critique it's use. Just stay with me.

Let me say for the record that I had been impressed with Anderson Cooper prior to this. I have family in New Orleans, and his broadcasts were some of the few that we watched and felt trustworthy of. He had found a way to capture the crisis without taking advantage of his subjects, in a way that was atypical of others. It wasn't this smug, bothersome, reporter with a mic, asking stupid questions to innocent victims, Cooper possessed a sense of respect for his subjects and stories that impressed me. There was a sense of shame in him, maybe just humility, that was appealing and made me a big fan. But his participation in the decisions behind this sniper piece have made me lose all respect I had for him as a journalist and a human being.


There's no real structure to this blog in general, but here are a few key points worth raising.

IMPACT POINT ONE: I would like to address the "newness" and receipt of these "videos" by CNN. This footage was not "new". It had been on the internet for months, the footage is identical. So this begs the question, were these tapes "obtained" by CNN, or were they asked for specifically by CNN? In NONE of CNN's explanations have they actually explained these factors, they have only referenced conversations to which the public is not privy. CNN explained that they had asked the leader of the militia responsible for the tapes a series of questions and that instead of answers, they had been sent these videos. First, I have a serious problem with a news organization communicating independently with an insurgent group claiming that they are in search of "news". I believe in free press, but not "free negotiations" for newscasters with members of groups that they have absolutely no professional or responsible credibility in handling. Why the hell do we have the State Department or negotiators when CNN can apparently ride in on a magic carpet of diplomacy and communicate with enemies on their own? Unsolicited? Which begs the question....

Did CNN see the footage on YouTube months ago and then decide to communicate on their own with the group responsible in order to validate the tapes authenticity, with the full intent of showcasing them on their news channel? If so, this has to represent a serious conflict of interest with our own government and for our own intelligence community, right? Does anyone else care that insurgent groups now know that if they take some really gruesome footage, seemingly to exhibit their prowess as "warfighters" that they need look no further than CNN for distribution assistance? If they employ new creative ways to dismember folks are we going to start a podcast to keep people "informed", or "scared". There's clearly a thin line here. Maybe CNN has some good answers for me. Maybe they could explain the legal channels they went through in order to justify what seems like a brazen breech of national security in order to air these videos, but they haven't. They have referenced legnthy conversations with their editors, producers, and lawyers, however full transparency on the exact legalisms and moral arguments they agreed has not been offered. Speaking of their responsibility to "full transparency" as this seemed to be the impetus of their decision to air the footage, I'd like to move onto my second issue with this piece....for which this blog entry is titled, the point of impact.

IMPACT POINT TWO: The only thing that made this footage "new" was the grotesque manner in which it was cut and edited. Doing us all a favor, and "out of sympathy for the dead", CNN decided to black out the point at which the bullet actually hit the unknowing soldier. Besides the cowardice of the man behind the trigger, CNN's editing of the sniper footage shielded the public from experiencing the very "reality" it seemingly sought to portray. A reporter's voice is heard over the footage, talking about the number of dead soldiers and the rising death toll in Iraq. What most won't know, is that the original footage has music looped, capturing some sort of Arabic hymn being repeated over and over again as soldiers lives are snuffed out one after one. It also includes a flash page showing leaders from our country and others simultaneously being shot through the head. The original footage is frightening and disturbing, the footage aired on CNN is a spook show, making the assassins look like victorious defenders of their villages, against foreign occupiers that apparently CNN has decided have no business being there or have no chance at "winning".

Sidebar 2: I also question the word "winning" with regards to this war, however, I choose not to digress from the subject of the footage and onto overall foreign policy discussions. Although I recognize they are related.

I don't want to spark a debate about the war, or get lost in some back and forth about whether or not we should be there or not frankly. I raise this point because CNN makes "being there" the issue of their piece rather than telling the true story about the footage and its roll in this war. Course, that would have been actual news.

If CNN really cared about showing the American public "what war was really like" and "what we were up against" out of "respect" for soldiers, they could have either sacked up and showed the actual point of impact, or at least, named the soldiers and identified them. Instead, the worst moment in their lives is now "footage", the victims have become actors in CNN's latest spook production. The difference is so flagrantly clear in between the versions I encourage you to google it for yourself. Try a wiki search for "JUBA" and scroll down, you'll find it. Which brings me to my third and last point.

IMPACT POINT THREE:
If CNN really cared about reporting on the "enemy" they could have talked about how these snuff videos are thrown on the internet, the challenges that brings to the PR battle surrounding the war or they could have done a story on "JUBA" the mythical sniper that has apparently taken credit for over 200 lives single handedly and is apparently a member of the very insurgent group that claimed responsibility for the videos. I could continue explaining who this JUBA character is, but I'm not a journalist and you can read for yourself. As I've said before, if you don't know it, google it. Course CNN made no mention of JUBA, whether or not he exists, or told a story about insurgency groups use of such footage, but again, that would have been actual news. If CNN responds to criticism such as mine by claiming that their piece "encouraged dialogue", again, it did not. It solely, encouraged the insurgencies that our soldiers are up against.

I won't link the footage here, for fear of looking like the very exhibitionist I seek to criticize, as my overall goal here is to encourage people to research and learn on their own and explain my own "education" however flawed and misguided that it may be to some. The use of these media portholes is a major issue and one needing alot of discussion. A fact that is actually, newsworthy.

But CNN didn't do anything of the sort. They snipped out the most gruesome parts of the video and then claimed to be educating the public about the true horrors of war. For the families of those killed in this video, I can't imagine what it felt like, to have your loved one's last moments broadcast on television, without your consent, without his or her consent (obviously) and then characterized to solicit a ratings grab. These soldiers didn't sign up to be actors for CNN, nor when they signed their enlistment papers, did they agree that their lives could be used- without permission- by a young reporter, claiming journalistic responsibility for the life you committed to the country. I guess in some warped way, those soldiers died so that Anderson and CNN's ability to mischaracterize their deaths was protected and "free"?

Huh?

Perhaps this was handled by CNN and their slick lawyers, during these exhaustive debates, however it still haven't been explained. Soldiers lives were exhibited under the guise of transparency, but none of thee issues have received the same transparency. We don't get to be privy to their moral, personal, legal, political, or journalistic arguments, but we do get to see the end result of their "debates": cropped footage intended to scare the public into believing that this war is a waste of time. I am beginning to wonder if Ted Turner's confusion over the war is due to the fact that he can't figure out what sells more, scary snipers or Bush bloopers. It’s a dead heat ratings race folks, with our soldiers' lives paying the advertising fees. Let's remember that these programs produce PROFITS, they are not non-profits people. And soldiers being shot in public places is apparently hot material, too hot not to publish. The networks don't even have to pay for talent! The fool that watches this thinking that CNN does this selflessly is a true numskull. If anything, I wish they had shown the actual point of impact…sack up for God sakes CNN and follow the rules, "If it Bleeds it Leads" right? The intellectual distance the reporters here put between themselves and the lives they manipulated is callous, indecent, morally avoidant and inexcusable. I don't know if this is journalism, but it certainly isn't unbiased news aimed at "educating the public".

When that footage goes to black, right at the very moment the bullet leaves the gun barrel, flew through the air (and in some cases a crowded marketplace) and pierces the soldier -the impact - the true impact is completely blacked out in the name of "sensitivity". Please.

While I don't mean to use the footage to achieve some "pro-war" agenda, I have major issues with the war and how it is being conducted, hell I have issues with the last 50 years of Middle Eastern foreign policy, so don't feel the need to leave some comment making me into some anti-press neo con. I am interested in a dialogue about these snipers, the use of footage and the internet in modern warfare and the limits, if any, of "freedom of the press" during wartime. I am also urging something that I wish CNN had done, for you to make your mind up yourself and watch the footage yourself.

As I have quoted before its becoming quite clear that "history is [indeed] a trick we play on the dead".