"JUST A LITTLE PATIENCE"....for the patients.

Well, I've written about "Stupid Civilian Syndrome" (SCS) and it appears that a certain Washington Post columnist is suffering terribly from this illusive malady. Lets all calm down, as outrage and anger only worsen the condition and intesify the sufferer's alienation. Knee jerk angry insults have been hurled back at the writer, which I have to say, will only embolden his opinion and pacify him from his own ignorance. The military that I know is patient, which I guess is the hilarious irony, because it seems that Mr. Arkin needs a little of his own medicine. He's certainly afflicted with general Civilian Syndrome(CS), as emotional exhaustion and cynicism are the prime symptoms, however the root cause of his CS is SCS. Allow me to explain.

Rather than dissect Mr. Arkin's arguments, which I could do in a million different ways, I'd like to talk about what I believe is in between the lines he wrote. As a fellow sufferer of CS and occasionally SCS, I can attest to the many forms that this syndrome can take. It's really hard to spot, and a lot like PTSD in that way. You really don't know how to spot it unless you've had it, and I can hear certain things in Mr. Arkin's peice that I'd like to reach out to rather than demonize. There are two main symptoms that I would like to address:

Symptom ONE: GUILT.

Guilt is a prime symptom of CS. Guilt can do a lot of different things to different people. I myself have wrestled with guilt in many forms on this issue, sometimes I don't even know I am feeling guilty, as guilt's proactive twin is anger or "frustration" as we now antiseptically call it. Getting to the root of anger can reveal several things, but when discussing the war, civilians often don't realize that for all of their finger pointing, a part of them does feel guilty. We are a guilt-free society here in America. Being "angry" isn't very hip or zen, and certainly a bespeckled WaPo intellectual would never admit to being angry, much less, express feelings of guilt or remorse. But we don't talk about guilt these days, I guess it's too much of a scary religious term, but guilt is a psychological experience as well. Guilt is one of the things that differentiate humans from animals, it's not a sign of weakness, though it is often treated as such and shamed in numerous ways. We've accepted that its "bad" to feel guilty, when in reality it’s a natural response.

Even as I myself read Mr. Arkin's response to the NBC interview he watched, I felt angry. I got angrier and angrier at his inaccuracies and assumptions. But rather than concentrate on my anger, I tried to figure out why it bothered me so much, beyond the inaccuracies. I felt the need to defend the troops instantly, but I don't need to. I know first hand of the troops' patience, which I will get into later. They don't need me to defend them.

And as I reread Mr. Arkin's column again and again, I searched. I searched for logic, hell I just searched for factual reporting as he is clearly either ignorant or callous to many of the things that troops and their families face. But I realized why his words ticked me off, because I was seeing myself in them. I was hearing anger and then reading as the writer systematically tried to absolve himself of his feelings and justify his rage. He sounds as if he is asking for patience on behalf of protesters, defending them even, in the face of an ungrateful veteran populace. However, you can't bullshit a bullshitter, and as a sufferer of CS, I can smell my own. This man is groping with feelings of guilt and he hates that.

Symptom TWO: Searching for answers.

Any wartime populace is going to feel anxious, for various reasons. But given the asymmetry of this particular warfare, the illusiveness of the threats and the endless rhetorical debate, confusion and panic also ride shotgun to wartime anxiety. The beautiful part about this country is that we are all free to say what we want and disagree, the hard part is living with the disagreements. Folks, we mistake democracy with something static, when it is an experimental process that hopefully, never ends. Humans, however, while amazingly adaptable, also still crave stability and "an answer". This lust for stability almost runs diametrically opposite to the ever spinning wheels of democracy, with the populace and in many cases, the psyche, feeling split. This doesn't feel good, it pits us against each other, and since we can't find some grand theory of everything we resort to blame, which again, leads us back to guilt. It’s a pretty vicious cycle. I feel like a pharmaceutical ad saying this, but "there is hope….."

Mr. Arkin doesn't have an answer for what we do in Iraq and as an intellectual this frustrates him. Actually it really pisses him off. And I've felt the same anger. I joke about Civilian Syndrome, but I think it's a very real thing. Prior to acknowledging it, I've sat at bars swilling bourbon after bourbon and ranted in my office sometimes about my anger at the confusion surrounding this war. Working with the vets and befriending them has been one of the most trying and troubling experiences of my life. "You mean we've got heat seeking missiles that we shoot from 200 miles out in the ocean and we can't find Osama!?" I've barked in my office. I've searched for answers, I've blamed everyone and I've prayed for clarity. I've met vets that have humbled me and ones that have embarrassed me. The veteran's stories are hard to sort out, they change almost every time I talk to most of them, but I think that reflects the way they are constantly searching for answers, clarity and "the truth" as well.

Some kind of clarity only came when I realized that I was feeling many of the same feelings that the injured soldiers that I work with (and have become friends with) were feeling. For a while I joked that I had PTSD from being around PTSD. And I've read a few accounts from injured imbedded reporters believing that they are experiencing what the soldiers are experiencing. But once I heard about a certain soldier's sweating and crying nightmares, or got to know a family living in one hotel room near the hospital that their father was in, I realized that what I was experiencing was very different. Mine was a different thing, it was more distanced, more a response than a true combat experience, which is where I came up with Civilian Syndrome.


Diagnosis: STUPID CIVILIAN SYNDROME

Civilians are just that, they are civilians. We aren't military, we didn't sign up to offer our life for anyone else, and we aren't cut out for battle. We mistake watching movies on our plasma screens, in the safety of our homes, for "knowing what war is like" and the war has become a show we can click on and off. But for service-members the reality is no show. There are no commercial breaks, nor rest from grappling with their experiences and decisions they made in the field.

I would urge Mr. Arkin to do a little more work with veterans rather than just watch them on TV. Once you listen to a soldier describe "The Dust" you realize that they literally lived and breathed the most stressful experience a human can ever possibly have. And you didn't- regardless of whether or not you believe the cause meritable. Of course many service-members join for many different reasons, some (most) having nothing to do with patriotism or valor and yes, a lot to do with what Mr. Arkin described as "a decent wage".

No Mr. Arkin, they did not have trust funds to fall back on, or big university educations to feel entitled to. Does it piss you off that they are not as well-educated as you? That you have to deal with their ignorant decision making and mindless call to service? Or does it piss you off because you feel that you can't do or say anything to change our circumstances. Your article speaks to a certain kind of desperation that is very sad. Because I can assure you these troops have been infinitely patient in ways that you will never have to.

Lastly, Mr. Arkin's patronizes the real economic needs of many people and families and belittles them by describing the gracious manner in which our country "takes care of their families." You sir, besides paying your taxes, do nothing for their families. Perhaps if you did, you would be a little less excited about patronizing their mercenary –whoops working class- "dirty work".


Treatment: GIVE DR. ARKIN A DOSE OF HIS OWN MEDICINE


The blog I have created is a tough one to reign in. Often times I feel like retelling the stories I hear, but I can't, they don't belong to me. They are not my stories to tell. This blog is about my own experiences, and troubles as a civilian trying to "make sense of it all". I sympathize with Mr. Arkin's anger and lust for accountability, I really do. This blog is my attempt to share what I feel and learn along the way, because I believe that a lot of us Stupid Civilians could use an outlet to share their confusion and anxieties. We like being the educated white collar elite, safely sitting behind our computers, blogging away about how much we know, spinning our big theories about how we would run things if we were in charge. But I blog to show how fucking confused I am sometimes, how lost I feel and to share how consistently misinformed I feel as I attempt to step beyond the looking glass and really interact with the "characters" we see on warTV. I thought my service to these folks would bring clarity, and as a result, I have become even more confused and as I've said, angry.

However, my service has also become the antedote to my anger. While new questions constantly abound, my anger is always squelched by the class and grace of veterans when they are confronted by us Stupid Civilians. Trust me, they nash their teeth in private, but the stoic warriors that I have befriended have taught me more about patience and class than anyone else in my entire life.

I once took two veterans to the Hill to meet their Senators. I won't describe their injuries but let's just say that they were recognizably impaired. The young gentleman was a midwestern Marine turned Army infantryman, and the young woman was a beautiful reservist who had previously driven "buffalos"(google it). We walked through the doors of the Hart Senate building followed by a heard of privileged college interns, chatting, joking and gabbing on their cell phones. These two veterans were about the same age as their intern counterparts, but certainly moved a lot slower. They both eased their way through the metal detectors setting both of them off. Suddenly the loud chattering behind us stopped and I glanced at a stunned crowd of fresh faced Hilltoppers as they tried to sort out what the hold up was.

It’s the sort of moment where nothing was said, but everything was understood. The difference between these two veterans and this group of interns was clear. The security guard waved them through and I thanked him for not searching them further. He pointed to the Marine ring he wore and winked at me as I guided the two further into the marbled hallways of the building. And the looks on the faces of those behind us were unmistakable. You know guilt when you feel it and see it. They didn't know what to say or do, so they just stood there like deer in headlights.

The veterans on the other hand, joked about it later. They joked about the shrapnel in their bodies and hadn’t really noticed how quiet the hallway had gotten. I think I noticed because I belong to that group, I knew what they were thinking because I had been one of them. But my spotting of civilian syndrome didn’t end there. I've blogged about "what not to say" in the past, but I was stunned by the callous attempts at sensitivity that Hill staffers offered to these two young people. Heres a sampling:

"What'd you do to your leg!"

"Sheesh, Iraq, how was that?"

"Wow, Iraq, its crazy over there huh?"

Although we certainly met very gracious folks. We went on a tour with a group of senior citizens, who were okay with going at a slower pace. Unfortunately, the veterans' meds kicked in just prior to the tour, which required that wheelchairs be procured, which was no easy task it turns out, and slowed our tour down considerably. The veterans were so apologetic that they had not timed their meds accordingly, but the tour group was so gracious and patient. Perhaps these senior citizens knew what these young folks were going through, in fact a few shared war stories along the way. A few staffers were very pleasant and respectful, but I found myself biting through my tongue at most of the idiot comments that were blurted out by a staffer who just didn’t know what to say. These folks worked for the people that voted for this war and didn't know what to say to those that had actually fought it.

All the while, the veterans remained calm, and infinitely patient, as they always have. I've witnessed them curse us civilians in private, but never, ever, in public. I have been seated on Walter Reed transportation buses shuttling vets to a basketball game and watched as folks threw their programs at the back of the bus. I have heard of injured soldiers mugged on the corner outside of the hospital with their own crutches while waiting for a cab on Georgia Avenue. I drive past angry protesters who scream, SCREAM, at patients and families as they enter the base. I have, indeed, heard stories of soldiers being spit on, cursed at and insulted. Sure the treatment is "better" than Vietnam, but are we really going to pat ourselves on the back for that? Is Mr. Arkin going to wave their jobs in their face and demand patience from a 21-year old who now has no legs? Requests such as Mr. Arkin's are irrational, which is why, rather than demean his logic, I appeal to his heart and ask him to examine why he is so angry.


As the old addage goes, point one finger at someone and there are three pointing back at you. Our soldiers are not perfect, nor are they in many cases Nobel peace prize winners or National Merit Scholars (although in a lot of cases they are). They are imperfect, but Mr. Arkin, they are by no means impatient. They too had to watch the misconduct at Abu Ghraib and Haditha. But rather than just bitch about it to their coworkers or write about it in the paper, they went out and had to deal with the repercussions themselves. They suffer through our endless lines of insensitive questions like "Did you kill anyone" or "How did that feel" without so much as a grimace. While the public agonizes for the war show to end and the pullout show to begin, these men and women-and their families- patiently do what they are told- regardless of if they agree with it. You have to deal with this war for a few more years, but they will deal with it for the rest of their lives.

You sir, are the impatient one. Like you, I too relied on the media to educate me about the war and relied on imbedded reporters to "tell me the truth". I am tired, if not exhausted by the constant streaming images of war and chaos. Those are natural feelings. But this war cannot and should not be captured in a sound bite and my exhaustion is accelerated by boomer journalists characterizing those they know NOTHING about. They write and speak about the personal feelings of soldiers only to fulfill their own personal or political agenda, while feigning "support" or sympathy.

Mr. Arkin, as a journalist you are afforded much more time, and paper space, to explain yourself and your feelings. I hope you examine them sir, and do more with the space you are afforded. Pointing the finger back that the troops is a desperate act meant only to quell the confusion you feel as a helpless civilian, and I share it. But there is something you can do as a sufferer of Civilian Syndrome, you can serve too. You're article has obviously sparked a spectrum of emotion; however I urge you to visit the hospitals, volunteer with the USO or any veterans group for that matter rather than sit perched behind your laptop. Write about what you find there. You won't find answers, but perhaps you might be able to transform your anger into something far more productive and enlightening for everyone.

Oh and PS Mr. Arkin, you might want to peruse the "peaceful" protests of the following church group. Are these the certain folks you are demanding patience for? For god sakes, they show up at funerals for fallen soldiers....but yes, you are right, its the injured patients enduring months of grueling physical rehab, the active duty soldiers sweating in the middle eastern hell, and the fallen and their grieving families are the ones that are the ones that need to be patient while you try to intellectually sort out what they have to emotionally deal with.

http://www.godhatesfags.com/photos/2005/20051203_palmer-ia.html