Men For Others: They don't serve so you won't have to, they serve because you don't have to.


Okay this will be a flat out rant. Nothing else. And now, a deep inhale......


You know its odd, many doors can open for you, but there is always one that stays stubbornly closed, and that is always the door you want to open the most. Its a vice of mine, a major one, that I harp on about such closed doors, when I should be thankful for the ones that have opened. But its hard and I can't. I want this door, right here, this one, with its shiny handle and varnished wood to open, others be damned.

This door is a door to the world of the young upper class college grad. I could name schools specifically, but I won't. I've made it obvious where I went to college, and while much of my disappointment has to do with my fellow Hoyas, I've experienced it from many other alums from many other schools. Ugh, this post feels like such a waste, but I have to get it out and just close the book on my anger once and for all. But somehow this demographic continues to find new ways to disappoint me, hell, even to mock and patronize me and my efforts.

Its not bad enough I have had, and our vets have had to tolerate the extreme ignorance of the college graduate on Capitol Hill from staffers and various tie-wearers, but on top of Stupid Fucking Civilian Syndrome, I am inventing a new illness, Callous Asshole Syndrome. Thats right, this is a very different, but related malady that deserves its own nomenclature because it goes way beyond ignorance and steps right into offensive fucker territory.

These "priveleged" "educated" folks that I went to school with, that I have the unfortunate responsibility of sharing a generation with, have really found some creative ways to be obtuse and so utterly disappointing it has literally sent me into a very melancholic state. What, pray tell, could have catalyzed such an enthusiastic person into a depression so bad she has had trouble getting up and doesn't even have the energy to cry?

A Christmas Party. A Christmas "Extravaganza" actually. Thats right, a party made me depressed. I know, I have real problems.

This Christmas/Holiday whatever party started off as an insider BYOB party at my buddy's house. These guys have a penchant for the extravagant mind you, and I often endulged their extreme ideas with artwork, decorations, music and animated antics myself. I missed the parties when I lived out in LA, and went to one the year that I returned to the East Coast. Even before I started volunteering with the vets the whole thing turned me off. It had become this minor celebrity event, with people spending alot of money on dresses, limos and tickets. The price now is up to 50 bucks, which brings us to the climax. I'll skip on the commentary, I am sure one can imagine what a 50 dollar DC yuppie party entails. I am sure you can imagine the people (who I am sure are "good people"), the versace dresses and clinking highball glasses, so I'll spare us.

By the time of last years party I had started volunteering at W/R and didn't really feel like spending money on the party. I would have rather spent the money on a grill out behind the hospital and to be honest, I just didn't have it. And I certainly wasn't going to go broke trying to get there. A dress, taxis, shoes, whatever, it ended up being an expensive night and this was also post Katrina. Considering the fact that my family is from NOLA and we were only a few months out of the disaster, again, spending a bunch of money partying with the priveleged wasn't my cup of Christmas punch.

I had also, in vain, tried to nudge these boys into making the party a small fundraiser that year for Katrina. Just tacking two bucks to the ticket price or putting a jar out for donations, SOMETHING, but no. I was flatly told "This is a drinking party, we give enough". As if this demographic needs more parties! He acted as if they all spend their days slaving away to make the world a better place. Please. As an upper class, "well-educated" DC yuppie myself, I can tell you. All these people do is party. A week doesn't go by that they arent off to some destination wedding, bachelor party, guys night weekend, girls spa day, work happy hour, networking happy hour, alumni party, homecoming, vegas baby vegas trip, NCAA tournament, ski New years party or what. I even got invited to a "best buy bar crawl". Where apparently the host thought it was "FUNNY" to dress up in best buy employee "costumes" and bar hop. I was being a "party pooper" by questioning why this was funny? Or even fun for that matter. He was planning on handing out Employee Awards "The Office" style and nametags. This was all a fucking riot to dress up as employees you had never been apparently. I don't know, the irony of dressing up as the employees who probably have to deal with his uptight, needy, rich boy ass seemed so staggering. I came really close to rounding up some real Best Buy employees and showing up at the party to see how funny this would be.

Anyways, Tequila Tours, hashers, Funny sweater parties, martini parties, OC parties, Grey's Anatomy parties, iPod parties, horseraces, over the top baby showers, exotic island getaways and cruises, it never fucking ends. Date functions, tailgaiting parties, balls, golf, oscar parties, you name it and my generation has found a way to turn it into a party. The only thing I cant seem to turn into a party is supporting our troops.

In an attempt to capture this "have to party" mentality, I figured I could throw some parties at bars that my friends knew and invite some of the local W/R boys out. That way, no one was forced to be in a place they didnt want to be, out of obligation. The boys dont know where to go, its hard to interact in this city as a civilian, but doing it with missing limbs, or tolerating the inane conversations routinely overheard in bars about the war, cant be good for the game or the psyche. Most of the time these folks spend time being depressed about how much DC sucks, rather than what they experienced in war. Imagine that. DC is worse to them than IRAQ. And I wonder why.....lets see.


***Disclaimer: This is not to say that there arent a great many groups (usually run by older folks) trying to do their best for these guys. Wounded Warriors, USO, Armed Forces Foundation, Helping Our Heroes, Fallen Angels etc....excluded. They are working overtime, but most of those events are group oriented and sometimes, a guy just wants to get around town on his own and meet a few new people.

Anyways,

You take a group of young people, 18-25 and plop them dead center in the middle of the most ethnically, racially, religiously, economically, culturally, politically hostile environments in the history of humankind. Then when they get blown up you send them to Georgia Fucking avenue, possibly one of the more dangerous, less inviting, ethnically complicated neighborhoods in the city to "recoup" and "reorient". YAH. These guys are getting robbed, held up and ignored by cabs while waiting right out front (this is after hobbling about a quarter of a mile from the hotel where they are staying to the front gates as cabs wont come on base usually). They try to go out, but the cabs alone cost 30-40 bucks to get to a decent part of town. Once they are there, they are expected to "relax" in crowded, fashionable bars filled with the very folks I graduated with, as they discuss the major issues in the world while swaddled in their latest J Crew purchase. They also expect these guys to metro it. Yeah, as if. "Here you go soldier!! Head on down that very steep escalator and then heard yourself into a crowded train so that you can get pushed around and not offered the handicap seat by someone sitting reading the express with a fucking ipod in!" Yeah, thats gunna work.

I know some guys who will take the metro, but most wont and cant. The reasons are both physical and emotional. But anyways, back to my story. I know I'm ADD here, but I said this was a rant. And nothing else. I am sure there are some logical points here that I should try to do justice by, but I dont have time for that.

So anyways, Ive been trying to throw these parties, just casual social gatherings, stick a few bucks in the jar for a certain org that is trying to assist the vets. Nothing major. Moderate to low turn out, but I remained hopeful. So many of these upper crust folks said that they were going to forward the invitation around, I doubt that happened and in many cases I know for a fact it didnt happen. These folks have massive email lists, for all of these fucking jerk off parties they throw and not one of them ever cc'd me on jack shit. I also know it doesnt happen cause I've asked people on these distros if they ever got anything from a certain person and they say no. Everyone says yes in public. but they all say no, privately, again and again. After two or three of these events I realized that I was working harder to get these folks out than I was trying to get the vets out and social. I also noticed that I could literally cut the attendees and regrets (if they took the time to regret) down the middle by economics and education. My public school, working class friends would metro and commute in for these parties and my fellow ivory tower grads would say they were coming and then bail. Somewhere, Im sure there was something far more fashionable or entertaining to do than tip a few back with some vets staying here in the city.

Now I know I'm not supposed to care. I know I should consider such ire for such simple minded callous folks, but I can't get over it. I am sure that this somewhere deep has to do with some need to be liked, or acceptance, but really I could care less if they show up for me...this has to do with saying you are going to do something and then doing nothing. It has to do with flaking and privelege. I try to channel my energies, don't let them get to me, work with what you have and all that. But no. I can't and I don't care if I sound like a jerk saying it or some pathetic jealous loser. Its about time these guys were called out on how selfish and callous they are. And I can't find it in my right mind how this isn't "everyones issue" not just mine. We sat in college together and discussed terrorism, foreign policy, political science, the elections, foreign governments and shared a bowl occasionally while discussing conflict resolution. We sipped beers and watched the elections and argued, and on 9-11 we were in DC watching the Pentagon burn from our dorm apartment buildings. Yet these guys went off to war to allegedly try to make the violence stop and gave alot of themselves trying to protect our safe little college student asses. Most of them getting no where near college themselves. They dont serve so you won't have to, they serve because you don't have to. This is all economics to me now. Its become so clear. The poor boys fight for the rich boys. Got it. Somehow the rich boys end up going to law school, running for office and voting for a war and sending the poor boys kids off to war 30 years later though....and we rich kids just keep watching from the safety of our priveleged dorm rooms, apartments, televisions and ipods.

Am I jealous of how happy they are? Am I jealous that they have money to play around and I dont? Who knows, maybe, I am sure someone will analyze this as some jealous rage, and maybe you are right. But I bet I'm not alone. Its one thing to be selfish, but to me, apathy is the gravest sin. Tell me that you can't handle it, tell me that its a hard issue for you to distribute, tell me that you aren't sure this is the best approach. Give me something! but dont fucking lie to me and tell me that you are really excited and want to help when you fully know you wont. A jesuit at Georgetown, one that knew more financial aid kids than popped collars, once described a few of these private high school graduates, mainly boys, by saying, "Yeah, that kids a high school hero, college zero". These are the boys that dangle their prep school key chain from their pocket and talk about how they went on Kairos in high school and ran the student government. Most of the time, they spend their college days as big men on campus, who talk about their "jesuit education" almost anecdotally.

So, anyways, not to wander into another rant, Ive had these little social parties and the vets have really loved them, even though barely anyone shows up. They say they are just happy to be out and not be at the hospital. They are so gracious and appreciative. But inside I'm stark raving mad at all of the people that stood them up. People often begin texting me "is it fun, should we come" at around midnight, and I'm like, go fuck yourself. I dont actually say that, I will often patiently reply with something enthusiastic, which they will then ignore.

So my parties were one thing, but this Christmas fucking extravaganza is quite another. A friend of mine has a sister that because of these parties has begun dating one of the vets at the hospital. She knows about this big party and was planning on taking him. He tells a few people that he is going to this big DC party and next thing you know I have some vets calling me asking about it. Course they get pretty quiet when they hear that its 50 bucks. So I try to take the initiative and make a few calls and IM a few folks. Tyr to make something happen....

I ask politely, as I know the big party isn't a money maker. I know alot of people make a big investment to make this party happen, but I also know that these people make alot of money. But I still ask politely, whether or not any special discount could be applied to just a few tickets so that I can bring some of these boys to the party. Flatly, my "friend" told me no.

After a bullshit description of how the party doesnt make money and all that, even though 400 people show up (or more) and even though I have seen these guys sneak people in with my own eyes, and even though the collared Jesuits that show up probably don't pay (even though they spring for sweet bartabs frequently for these boys), a discounted ticket was totally out of the question. He acted like I had asked him to include a limo and a hotel room.

He also said something that shook me to the core.



"Also, itll be depressing".





Like a fucking battleax to the heart, followed by slow agonizing scrapes on the eyes with a rusty fork is how I felt like I was being treated. And how I thought the vets were being considered. Depressing reminders for what is supposed to be a "good time". He asked me why I had to make "my issue everyone elses problem." I told him I wasn't trying to do that. That I was just in an awkward spot trying to explain to these guys that I was going to go, but couldn't bring them along. I told him it was just hard to say no or make some excuse up. Regardless, just ick. EGH. I held it together and told him thanks for his consideration and that I hoped he could reconsider it and maybe find some sponsors looking to show some vets a great time. He told me not likely, and in general was a smug little bastard about the whole thing.

I would later bump into some friends of this scoundrel and they asked me why I hadn't bought my tickets yet. I told them that my "dates couldn't afford the tickets".


So yeah, go Jesuit educated "men for others". Yeah, others just like them.

Point of Impact



I am not a media critic, nor do I wish to make myself out to be some well educated critic of national security policy or political scientist the first amendment and the roll of free press. I am just a normal civilian with common sense who believes that Anderson Cooper, and the rest of the CNN editorial staff should be ashamed of themselves.

Their decision to wrecklessly publicize snuff sniper footage was weeks ago, however its apparent that their lack of follow up on the matter reveals their motives to be purely editorial with the sole agenda of driving ratings. They reference their endless moral and professional debates in several blog entries related to the episode, however I feel it necessary to reflect upon several aspect of their decision now that the elections are over and we are off to the races for 2008.

I have waited for a few weeks to reconsider my initial feelings and thoughts about their airing of the sniper footage as "news", hoping that some distance and time would reveal something I had missed, or calm me down. But it hasn't.

I don't want to get into some larger macro theories here, I wish to comment solely on the specific decision of this news organization to publish such footage, the way in which they cut and edited it and called it "news" as if they were providing some higher responsibility to the public.

To make such a claim, is a complete and utter farce. While there are several reasons why this coverage sickened me, one very specific reason rises above all others. This footage wasn't new at all. It's been on the internet for MONTHS.

Why do I know this? Well, YouTube has been one of the ways I embellish my civilian war experience and try to curb my SCS (Stupid Civilian Syndrom). Granted, I recognize the inherent voyuerist that this makes me, but the videos, footage and writings on the internet are really the best one can do, besides actually knowing someone, or going there yourself. Do I need to restate my awareness that not everything on the internet is reliable, I hope not….

Weekly I will take a spin to see what is out there. Like anything on the internet there is trash and then there are pearls. I totally feel like a voyeur when I stumble on someone's homemade slide show of their friend, spouse, sibling, daughter or son, who is either serving or who has perished, as often it is Youtube's public forum that is used for the distribution of private video messages to loved ones. Sometimes when its certain that its a private message to a loved one, I click it shut. But if its a memorial video, I tend to leave it open. I want to see who these soldiers are to their loved ones, I want to see who they were before they left and how they are remembered. I want to know who died trying to protect my life, futile as it may seem to some. I've cried many times watching these slide shows, maybe thats weird, and I hope it doesn't offend the folks that I have peeped in on. I'd like to thank them for sharing their son or daughters life with the anonymous world, its basically the only way we can know who the "soldiers killed" are or were besides non-descript anonymous headlines.

One day I stumbled across something far different than anything I had seen. This was about five months ago. I clicked on "sniper" or "juba" I can't remember which and a video popped up that I had never seen. It was about ten minutes and was fucking awful.

I've never really seen a live human being shot before. I've never seen how the body collapses or buckles when a bullet tears through clothing and pierces skin. But that was what I was watching, over and over and over and over and over again. And no, it wasn't like a movie, actors seem to overact these moments now that I have seen a real person get shot. Nothing about this footage was entertaining, it was gruesome and chilling.

One after one, after one, after one, about 15 seconds of footage of a soldier standing watch, talking to someone, adjusting something or just walking, then- in a blink -the bodies buckled and collapsed. In some cases, the puff of white smoke from their body armor still in the air above them. It almost looks like a human moving in fast forward, the footage is slow and aimless before, and then SNAP, the soldier has hit the deck. You would think that someone had cut the ligaments behind their knees they fall so fast. The immediate collapse of some of the victims was startling. I imagine some sort of struggle, but most of them, it was just SNAP and BAM, on the floor. Nothing like TV or the movies. There's no big glory moment, where the arms go up, the eyes roll back and they grasp at their limb or chest in pain. Not at all. This was real sniper footage I was watching.

I probably watched that footage a dozen times. Not in a row mind you, I don't want to sound like a freak, I just wanted to get to the point to where I could watch it without flinching. I wanted to desensitize myself, on purpose, but I never could. There is still something that makes me shudder when I even think of the footage now. I hadn't watched it again until recently, when I saw CNN's "news story". I hadn't seen the story live on CNN, but a dozen or so people had asked me if I had seen the story, based on the familiarity I had with "Iraq footage". Often I would bring up something I've seen to a few select friends , so naturally, the day the piece aired, these same friends emailed asking my opinion. I hadn't been watching that night, but when I saw the CNN piece on Youtube I couldn't believe what I was watching.

Sidebar: I do recognize that I may look like a hypocrite writing about this footage so graphically, when I mean to critique it's use. Just stay with me.

Let me say for the record that I had been impressed with Anderson Cooper prior to this. I have family in New Orleans, and his broadcasts were some of the few that we watched and felt trustworthy of. He had found a way to capture the crisis without taking advantage of his subjects, in a way that was atypical of others. It wasn't this smug, bothersome, reporter with a mic, asking stupid questions to innocent victims, Cooper possessed a sense of respect for his subjects and stories that impressed me. There was a sense of shame in him, maybe just humility, that was appealing and made me a big fan. But his participation in the decisions behind this sniper piece have made me lose all respect I had for him as a journalist and a human being.


There's no real structure to this blog in general, but here are a few key points worth raising.

IMPACT POINT ONE: I would like to address the "newness" and receipt of these "videos" by CNN. This footage was not "new". It had been on the internet for months, the footage is identical. So this begs the question, were these tapes "obtained" by CNN, or were they asked for specifically by CNN? In NONE of CNN's explanations have they actually explained these factors, they have only referenced conversations to which the public is not privy. CNN explained that they had asked the leader of the militia responsible for the tapes a series of questions and that instead of answers, they had been sent these videos. First, I have a serious problem with a news organization communicating independently with an insurgent group claiming that they are in search of "news". I believe in free press, but not "free negotiations" for newscasters with members of groups that they have absolutely no professional or responsible credibility in handling. Why the hell do we have the State Department or negotiators when CNN can apparently ride in on a magic carpet of diplomacy and communicate with enemies on their own? Unsolicited? Which begs the question....

Did CNN see the footage on YouTube months ago and then decide to communicate on their own with the group responsible in order to validate the tapes authenticity, with the full intent of showcasing them on their news channel? If so, this has to represent a serious conflict of interest with our own government and for our own intelligence community, right? Does anyone else care that insurgent groups now know that if they take some really gruesome footage, seemingly to exhibit their prowess as "warfighters" that they need look no further than CNN for distribution assistance? If they employ new creative ways to dismember folks are we going to start a podcast to keep people "informed", or "scared". There's clearly a thin line here. Maybe CNN has some good answers for me. Maybe they could explain the legal channels they went through in order to justify what seems like a brazen breech of national security in order to air these videos, but they haven't. They have referenced legnthy conversations with their editors, producers, and lawyers, however full transparency on the exact legalisms and moral arguments they agreed has not been offered. Speaking of their responsibility to "full transparency" as this seemed to be the impetus of their decision to air the footage, I'd like to move onto my second issue with this piece....for which this blog entry is titled, the point of impact.

IMPACT POINT TWO: The only thing that made this footage "new" was the grotesque manner in which it was cut and edited. Doing us all a favor, and "out of sympathy for the dead", CNN decided to black out the point at which the bullet actually hit the unknowing soldier. Besides the cowardice of the man behind the trigger, CNN's editing of the sniper footage shielded the public from experiencing the very "reality" it seemingly sought to portray. A reporter's voice is heard over the footage, talking about the number of dead soldiers and the rising death toll in Iraq. What most won't know, is that the original footage has music looped, capturing some sort of Arabic hymn being repeated over and over again as soldiers lives are snuffed out one after one. It also includes a flash page showing leaders from our country and others simultaneously being shot through the head. The original footage is frightening and disturbing, the footage aired on CNN is a spook show, making the assassins look like victorious defenders of their villages, against foreign occupiers that apparently CNN has decided have no business being there or have no chance at "winning".

Sidebar 2: I also question the word "winning" with regards to this war, however, I choose not to digress from the subject of the footage and onto overall foreign policy discussions. Although I recognize they are related.

I don't want to spark a debate about the war, or get lost in some back and forth about whether or not we should be there or not frankly. I raise this point because CNN makes "being there" the issue of their piece rather than telling the true story about the footage and its roll in this war. Course, that would have been actual news.

If CNN really cared about showing the American public "what war was really like" and "what we were up against" out of "respect" for soldiers, they could have either sacked up and showed the actual point of impact, or at least, named the soldiers and identified them. Instead, the worst moment in their lives is now "footage", the victims have become actors in CNN's latest spook production. The difference is so flagrantly clear in between the versions I encourage you to google it for yourself. Try a wiki search for "JUBA" and scroll down, you'll find it. Which brings me to my third and last point.

IMPACT POINT THREE:
If CNN really cared about reporting on the "enemy" they could have talked about how these snuff videos are thrown on the internet, the challenges that brings to the PR battle surrounding the war or they could have done a story on "JUBA" the mythical sniper that has apparently taken credit for over 200 lives single handedly and is apparently a member of the very insurgent group that claimed responsibility for the videos. I could continue explaining who this JUBA character is, but I'm not a journalist and you can read for yourself. As I've said before, if you don't know it, google it. Course CNN made no mention of JUBA, whether or not he exists, or told a story about insurgency groups use of such footage, but again, that would have been actual news. If CNN responds to criticism such as mine by claiming that their piece "encouraged dialogue", again, it did not. It solely, encouraged the insurgencies that our soldiers are up against.

I won't link the footage here, for fear of looking like the very exhibitionist I seek to criticize, as my overall goal here is to encourage people to research and learn on their own and explain my own "education" however flawed and misguided that it may be to some. The use of these media portholes is a major issue and one needing alot of discussion. A fact that is actually, newsworthy.

But CNN didn't do anything of the sort. They snipped out the most gruesome parts of the video and then claimed to be educating the public about the true horrors of war. For the families of those killed in this video, I can't imagine what it felt like, to have your loved one's last moments broadcast on television, without your consent, without his or her consent (obviously) and then characterized to solicit a ratings grab. These soldiers didn't sign up to be actors for CNN, nor when they signed their enlistment papers, did they agree that their lives could be used- without permission- by a young reporter, claiming journalistic responsibility for the life you committed to the country. I guess in some warped way, those soldiers died so that Anderson and CNN's ability to mischaracterize their deaths was protected and "free"?

Huh?

Perhaps this was handled by CNN and their slick lawyers, during these exhaustive debates, however it still haven't been explained. Soldiers lives were exhibited under the guise of transparency, but none of thee issues have received the same transparency. We don't get to be privy to their moral, personal, legal, political, or journalistic arguments, but we do get to see the end result of their "debates": cropped footage intended to scare the public into believing that this war is a waste of time. I am beginning to wonder if Ted Turner's confusion over the war is due to the fact that he can't figure out what sells more, scary snipers or Bush bloopers. It’s a dead heat ratings race folks, with our soldiers' lives paying the advertising fees. Let's remember that these programs produce PROFITS, they are not non-profits people. And soldiers being shot in public places is apparently hot material, too hot not to publish. The networks don't even have to pay for talent! The fool that watches this thinking that CNN does this selflessly is a true numskull. If anything, I wish they had shown the actual point of impact…sack up for God sakes CNN and follow the rules, "If it Bleeds it Leads" right? The intellectual distance the reporters here put between themselves and the lives they manipulated is callous, indecent, morally avoidant and inexcusable. I don't know if this is journalism, but it certainly isn't unbiased news aimed at "educating the public".

When that footage goes to black, right at the very moment the bullet leaves the gun barrel, flew through the air (and in some cases a crowded marketplace) and pierces the soldier -the impact - the true impact is completely blacked out in the name of "sensitivity". Please.

While I don't mean to use the footage to achieve some "pro-war" agenda, I have major issues with the war and how it is being conducted, hell I have issues with the last 50 years of Middle Eastern foreign policy, so don't feel the need to leave some comment making me into some anti-press neo con. I am interested in a dialogue about these snipers, the use of footage and the internet in modern warfare and the limits, if any, of "freedom of the press" during wartime. I am also urging something that I wish CNN had done, for you to make your mind up yourself and watch the footage yourself.

As I have quoted before its becoming quite clear that "history is [indeed] a trick we play on the dead".

A blog about vets day of course will be forthcoming. I am also working on some post elections thoughts, but haven't really put my thoughts together yet. However, I had to post the following. I know this doesn't fit into the overall theme of this "blog" but since it's my diary, I'll do what I want.

The following is a documentary of a 16 year old Iranian young woman who was executed for "crimes agaist chastity". It is in six sections. Do not infer my opinion for posting this, I share it only because I find it deeply engaging, riveting and just wanted to share it and keep it for myself. I'll write about it later.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jqQVqsOw4U


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gTFRTAlavFQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYMNiSnlz_w

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0joZr2LlLo

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PYJHUniri0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6J2jqKlNNXo

Three days left


So while many folks are glued to their TVs doping up on election coverage and stomach churning ads in preparation for Tuesday, I talked tonight to an old buddy of mine who is an Army Officer.

Whichever stupid side wins this terrible election, and whomever is left in charge after this bloody duel is complete, you better keep him in mind. I was brave when I spoke with him, and humbled by his humility. He is keenly aware of the risks, dangers, mismanagement issues, and cultural complexity involved.

He sits tonight, sipping what will be one of the last rounds of cold beers he will have for quite some time. He is aware of that as well. He knows his unit inside and out, loves every man and woman under his responsibility, and knows so many private details about their lives, which, to his own admission, makes him hopeful and looking forward to when he can bring them all home. He understands that there are wives, children, girlfriends, boyfriends, parents, friends and other family that are waiting for their loved ones safe return and that its his job that they come home safe.

So if and when you vote, keep him in mind. He leaves for Afghanistan on Wednesday.

Wish List


Really quick, this is a list of a few things that I have noticed that put a kind of hamper on the comfort level of our veteran patients why they are healing at W/R. Now, I recognize the enormous effort that is already exerted on their behalf and am a constant witness to it. The hospital staff and organizations that support it are amazing. However there are just a few things, issues, and ideas that I see and have witnessed that are missing that have a big effect on the morale and "wellness" fo their recouping. I also recognize that maybe a bit of this is my own "priveleged" expectations for comfort, and that these folks are used to roughing it, but I just can't see how making them rough it any more than they already have is logical. For most of them, they wont be back int he service and their recouping is about making them whole again as people, so to me, now is not the time for sacrefices. I also dont expect the military to fork the dough over, but rather wonder if there are a few of these "Wellness" items/issues that could be solved with a little elbow grease from the District's more "comfortable" residents and commercial inhabitants. It just seems like we as a city could be doing better for these guys. I've already seen how the imposing nature of this city has demoralized many of our vets. Its huge, hard to navigate, socially challenging, not to mention, frigging expensive. I have only begun volunteering at Bethesda Naval, so I can't speak to it's needs at this moment.

I do realize I sound quite arrogant telling the military or whomever how to treat their vets, because I often don't know or are not privvy to the "wisdom" behind why certain things "must be". I write this more as a resident of the Nations Capitol and can't fathom why we can't do right by these guys and try to throw out the "Welcome Home" mat for them a little quicker and enthusiastically. So anyways, here goes....just a wish list, not a list of demands.


Heat Lamps
I don't think that these are neccessarily needed for every housing building at Walter Reed as many of the other persons living there are in less fragile condition. And while I am certainly not advocating smoking, as a smoker myself, it pained me to see folks headed just outside of the front and back doors of the Malogne House (a hotel turned outpatient clinic) freezing their cahones off just for some fresh air or a butt. I know this seems really petty, but even just two would make all the difference. Course I have done the homework and they are about 2K to start with. The propane fueled lamps would probably present a bigger challenge as someone would have to replace the tanks, and I am not sure you want such items accessible to just anyone in order to operate. Could be dicey. But they do have electrical ones that might not be that challenging. Smoking isn't the only issue mind you, not even the most important. There is a grill in the back of the hotel and occassionally myself and a few folks will grill out there even in the winter. The patients really enjoyed getting out in the middle of the winter, sometimes with snow on the ground, but the cold was a little much for many of them. Many of the guys play cards, play guitar, chess (yes, soldiers play chess folks!), checkers, read and just hang out outside. Its very theraputic, but during the winter, the hotel gets a little cramped and cabin fever sets in. It already has gotten a little grumpy in the halls there, I've noticed.

Shuttle Buses
Okay, there will be a longer blog on this subject in the future, but seriously, getting out and about in DC (if they are able to physically) has to be the greatest challenge to these folks. They are stashed away on Georgia Ave in upper NW, far away from any of the glittering social life, museums and events that they hear so much about. Now transportation is usually provided by the NUMBER of veteran organizations that already take these guys and girls out, but alot of the times folks don't want to go on an organized trip often with strangers or folks they may not get along with. They are all jonesin for some outside stimulation and while the staff at the hostpital and the rec director (who I know personally) are doing a hell of a job trying to bring entertainment on base and get these guys out, the independance that a shuttle would bring would certainly be a shot in the arm for many. Security also neccessitates a shuttle that can make sure that should these folks make it out and into the city for a little nightlife or sightseeing on their own, that they make it back safely and cheaply. Cabs alone, roundtrip, cost nearly 40 bucks if you are headed anywhere decent and fun. 40 bucks is alot of money when you are on injured reserve salary. Hell its alot of money for most. Secondly, alot of cabs wont come or go back to Walter Reed from downtown. Another post will be written about why this might be, but it is a serious problem that I myself have witnessed. Its 2am and a guy on crutches cant get home. What does he do? I have also heard of soldiers being mugged right outside the gates of the base. They are easy targets apparently. This makes them feel really glad that they served their country btw. You take a young man out of a small town in Nebraska, ship him to one of the most ethnically hostile environments in the history of mankind and then he gets blown up and shipped to one of the most ethnically hostile cities in the U.S.. Alot of the times they just give up, get bitter and stay in their rooms. It breaks my heart, as the city has so much to offer, as we all know. Its just a bitch to go out in.


A well stocked library for movies, books and games
Don't get me wrong, there is a library for video games, books and movies, but it could be better. Most of the books suck and are old hand me down donations, the movies dont have multiple copies and there are only a few video game players that the guys can rent and return. There is plenty of visual entertainment in my mind for them as the lounge downstairs has two big screens and each room has cable. However, the book library could use some work. Board games, other card games, etc are also good ideas. In a fantasy I would install an indoor basketball hoop game (like the one's they have at Chucky Cheese even) and/or skee ball...ice hockey, ping pong, and pool tables wouldn't be half bad either. But I know I'm pushing it here. I think folks underestimate how much time these guys have to spend staring at eachother or the TV. At this one particular location there is just very very little to do. I am currently working on getting a donation of comic books hauled up there that might be sort of fun for alot of them. A little fantasy escapism never hurt....


Those are the first three that come to mind. The logisitics thing is a messy and complicated one, that will be flushed out later. The focus really has to be on the physical repair of their bodies, but without something to look forward to, or distract them, depression and self-pity or worse, anger, sets in. I've seen it happen already and regularly as its not that motivating to be stranded and only surrounded with people that have it just as bad as you do. They all put on such a great and brave face. I would go crazy on the other hand, but thats why I'm not cut out for service like they are. Their patience, optimism and stregnth are quite humbling to be around. They often share movies and books (this book issue is another future post as these guys read more than most civilians I know), watch games together and do make it out into the city (however the amounts of money they end up spending make it kind of cost prohibitive). This list is just to describe some of the aspects that I think would further stregnthen the recovery effortst that the military and support organizations already provide.

Grunt

Rule of thumb, if you don't know how to use it, google it. I know people are skeptical about googling everything, but it beats just blurting out something completely uneducated. And with alot of words, as many things, the situation has alot to do with the use and meaning. I try to follow this as best I can, even though sometimes I get a little cocky still. As I said before, so much of the war and information about the military can be found online, and yet, again and again, I head reporters, staffers, politicians, coffee house loiterers, Capitol Hill barfly wonks and the like use words that I don't think they understand. Grunt is one of them.I am not sure that any civilian should really ever use the word grunt. Maybe a father or a mother, sister or brother, girlfriend, boyfriend or best friend....only out of affection for how hard their work is, but coming out of the mouth of an unaffliated stranger civilian its going to sound like a put down.

Instead of holding your hand here, I am going to just include the link to wikipedia for grunt and let you read. Its a complex story behind the word, and its use is very specific. But its worried me the amount of times I have heard commentators use it. I can't speak for the soldiers, but it makes them sound like "employees" of the country.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grunt

Another online dictionary defines grunt as "to utter a deep guttural sound, as a hog does". Great. And we wonder why Muslims might not welcome these "grunts" that readily or with affection. Swine people, we have reduced our soldiers to swine. I know Edelmen didn't mean this when he wrote "They were called grunts….They were the infrantrymen, the foot soldiers of the war", but it doesn’t seem to evoke that same respect anymore. Not the way I've heard it used lately.
Another definition aligns it with "an unskilled person lacking technical training", which couldn't be more wrong.

Every single one of the service members I have met and befriended has a skill, if not multiple, that would be more valuable than most of the people I sat in class with at Georgetown. Except for the ability to catch a fish, swim and perform CPR, I am basically useless in a disaster. Fixing a car, building or fixing a radio, understanding electrical current, heck, digging a well are not some of the skills that I would associate with your average civilian. I once held a bar-b-que and amongst the seven guys standing around the grill, not one of them knew how to get it started. Sweet. I once had a friend that, when I told him to "light the pit", I returned 10 minutes later to find him looking for a hole in the ground.

So again, I'm scratching my head as to how this word is accurate or appropriate. Are we belittling basic skills? To me they are not that basic if most of the folks in this country can't do them. A friend of mine is a union electrician. He is white and a college drop out and I have watched as people struggle to talk to him about his job. He went through alot of training and serious education to become a full fledged union member and makes more money than I do. It's amazing to me how so many of the skills that have been characterized as "basic" are so rarely shared by most folks. My friend knows how lighting works in a house, how to fix an outlet and not burn himself or the house down, and how to fix the goddamn Metrorail's electrical current. Do you? What happens if all of the lights go out in the city? Is this basic? Or highly specialized, incredibly valuable labor. In fact, I think Katrina shows us how unskilled most of us are when faced with real survival.

If anything we civilians have become the grunts. Mindless relatively unskilled workers who push paper, buy cell phones and keep the economy moving, while these folks are out actually teaching people life skills and helping them build the means to survive and thrive. What the hell good is a brilliantly written textbook if the classroom's ceiling is coming down and the toilets don't work? People talk about needing to educate the Iraqis, well how do you suppose that should ACTUALLY happen there professor? You think that roof is going to fix itself? Do people really want to walk in a school when they know that it is the first target to be bombed? And yet I have actually heard some PhD on some wonk show calling the folks delivering such skills "grunts". Sheesh.

Now yes, they are working in service of our country, but grunt doesn't really speak to that. I've got conflicting stories even on wiki about the history and origins of the word. Some say it started with the Army, and most of the folks I've asked say it comes from the Marines on the ground in Viet Nam. But the word as of late seems to have changed. It used to be synonymous with "ground-pounder" which to me still seems the most accurate synonym with the service these folks have offered. Service-member is pretty anticeptic, I'll give you that, but grunt just runs in the opposite direction. How bout soldier. Siiiiiiigh…that was hard.

Although I understand there is a fair amount of manual labor and "grunt work" associated with military service, I have just heard it used more and more by commentators, talk show guest wonks and even some higher ranked brass in a way that seems a bit demeaning. It's talking out of both sides of our mouths to say something like "the grunts on the ground deserve better". If they deserve better than describe them better. In this PR battle, the wordsmith in me really cringes when this word is used. If the military wants to use it, fine, but when civilians start using it, I get a little nervous. It perpetuates a myth that the insurgency seems to really love, that American's don't respect their military, that their soldiers are drones, and that they are some mindless employee of the President.

And I'll admit to my own ignorance and misinformation. I have harbored similiar thoughts at times. I won't lie. I think that is why certain comments sting so bad, because we might all be guilty of treating our soldiers like "grunts". When my family first moved to Virginia, despite having thick southern accents ourselves, I was raised in an academically privileged environment. But we all got a pretty serious education in how wrong we were in our perception and judgment of the military by moving to Northern Virginia.

Our neighbors were from various branches, we swam on the swim team and went to school with "military brats" and picked up "slugs" as they hitched rides to the Pentagon. Their kids had seen more of the world than I had and their parents knew more about how the world really worked than mine did. My education about the military started during my commute into school, ironically enough.

These folks talked in a way that normal civilians didn't and about things that I didn't know anything about. Some were high school graduates, drop outs, some had graduate degrees (at least one in some cases) and others even PhDs. They also had gone through all sorts of training I didn't even know existed through other training offices and schools that were available only to them. They just belonged to a different world it seemed. They went through so many ethics classes, whereas my friends in business school were complaining about the TWO philosophy/theology classes they had to take as finance or marketing majors. Oh the irony.

Which is why I would urge caution about the word grunt. Every time I hear it dropped by someone standing in a suit or heels I cringe. I know we are supposed to hold our GI Joe to higher standards than the Average Joe, but no company, group, organization, class, or family is perfect or better than anyone else, especially when their greatest service is giving their life or a limb. Everyone has a role to play. A CEO of a Human Resources company once commented to me (during a hoitey toitey Georgetown cocktail hour) "You know who my most valuable employee is? My janitor. Without him, I'm a literal mess." This same CEO gave Georgetown its largest donation, and only wanted a few sweatshirts for his grandkids in return. He got it.

To call any member of the military a grunt, to me, just smacks of something mildly patronizing and insulting, even when folks aim to speak on "their behalf". So lets just be careful is all, like I've said before, if you don't think its right to say, it probably isn't.

Public Service Announcement #1

Okay boys and girls, its time to learn how to talk to your vets. Sure, I was like you once, nervous, ignorant, struggling to figure out what to say...heck I still am sometimes. But since spending alot of time with these humble patriots, I have learned that these are times to just button it. They know you are ignorant as to the nature and circumstances of their injury and most of them are far more gracious and classy than I would act in the situation. My interactions and adventures with these soldiers has taught me alot and rather than get angry at my fellow civilians, I offer the following as a modest public service announcement on behalf of soldiers that are too modest and forgiving to take the time to correct you in person. This will probably be the first of many public service announcements as I learn more every day and am stupefied at the new ways that civilians insult, degrade and flat out disrespect the folks that have been "there and back", often unknowingly.

THE FOLLOWING SHOULD NEVER BE ASKED TO ANY OIF/OEF VETERAN. NOT EVER. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS THE FOLLOWING A JUSTIFIABLE COMMENT TO MAKE. THIS IS JUST A QUICK SAMPLE OF STATEMENTS ACTUALLY MADE IN MY PRESENCE AND TO VETERANS THAT I KNOW:

"Did you kill anyone"

"Does that hurt"

"Wow, Iraq, sheesh, it's really crazy over there huh?"

"What did you do to your leg!?"

"I support you, but I don't support what you did"

"I don't support you, because you support George Bush"

"How many people did you kill?"

"Did you shoot any kids?" (Possibly the worst, but I have heard it asked)

"Do you like what you did?"

"How'd you fuck up your leg?" (Actually stated to a young soldier wearing an Army shirt in the hallway of a Senate office building)

"What's it like to shoot someone?"

"Do you miss him?" (Actually asked to a vet about a fallen soldier in his unit that he was friends with)

"Iraq, gosh, how was that?" (Asked by a Congressional Hill staffer, actually standing IN the Rep's office)

"I bet you appreciate life here in America a little more now eh?!" (overheard being said to a vet once)

"Wait, that happened in Iraq,…. are you serious?"


While some of these might sound a little similar in their tone or agenda, the cumulative effect of comments like these is clear. They make you sound like an idiot or a complete jerk. People try to be so polite and sensitive, it's hilarious to witness. They lean over, with their hands on their hips and talk to vets like they are puppies. It's like they don't realize that there are actual human beings taking shrapnel over there. Like I've said, the war is entertainment, and I guess the soldiers have become actors rather than real people. When I witnessed a staffer talk to a quadruple purple heart recipient, (Who also had two bronze stars, served both as a Marine and an Infantryman, two tours) ask "How was Iraq?" I just about lost it. The vet of course maintained composure and was a lesson in grace, while I gritted my teeth behind a very fake smile.

Of course once we got in my car to head back to W/R we rehashed the moment. He said "I felt like looking at her and saying, it was FUCKING GREEN ACRES BITCH!" A part of me really wish he had. When do people really get a tongue lashing for being complete idiots? Like right when it happens? Course I say this being ignorant to multiple times when I am sure I have said something stupid so who knows.


This brings up humor. Humor can be a very helpful thing, so don't always feel the need to be somber or overly thankful. They'll think you are kissing their ass. Plus most of these folks have very dark senses of humor. Sometimes its dry wit, sometimes sarcasm, other times its just downright sick. But it's the way that they are coping, dealing and working through what has happened to them, so don't get offended or pull back in horror. You can act a little shocked, but getting all PC offended will just make you look like a jackass. If there is one thing I've learned as a civilian, is that once these folks are back, there isn't anything they haven't seen, heard or made fun of. I mean that, I have heard jokes made about things I didn't know could be joked about. And it's not because they are innately rude or crude folks, it's because war is fucking hard and war in a vast sand pit with very little privacy is even harder. Humor is how they deal with it, if you can't then that is your problem.

I once witnessed a double amputee refer to how quickly he was going to kick another vets ass by stating "I'll F you up faster than I lost my legs". You are allowed to laugh at this joke, but not too hard. I just usually sort of smirk, rarely do you want to erupt and start slapping knees. People have tried this in the vain attempt to bond with them, it’s a natural response, despite being totally asenine. Also, as a civilian it is your job to listen, not to tell them about their service. I have been to too many vet events and witnessed celebrities and politicians get very preachy to those that have returned home. A few words of reflection are fine, if not appropriate. But long winded speeches and diatribes about God and Country, and freedom and hope are really boring the shit out of these folks. I mentioned in a previous post that one vet considered an RNC event like "being in fucking church." From what I have witnessed, these individuals have beliefs, its sort of why they signed up in the first place.
Sidebar personal note: I think there is way too much laughter in the White House Press Briefing Room. I also think that Jon Stewart makes WAY to many punch-lines about the war. His whole career is making jokes about a war that isn't a joke. For me, the laughter is getting way way WAY too loud and too frequent. I'm tempted to sneak amputees into both studios and just wait for them to joke around with actual vets in the room. Who knows if the vets agree with me on this, again, just a personal note.


Lastly, if you are nervous about whether or not a joke will be offensive or rude, just don't tell it. Just shut up and let the quiet moment pass. There is no reason to fill the air. In a lot of cases, silence is a nice thing for them, even if it makes you feel awkward. There was also a guy who was of Mexican heritage at W/R that I used to hang out with. He was missing a thumb but still knew how to shuffle a deck of cards pretty well. The other guys called him Taco, because he was Mexican. We had become friends, but once I referred to him as Taco just one too many times and it hurt his feelings. I don't know why, but it just didn't sit well that day, that some privileged Georgetown grad was calling him Taco. At first I had felt uncomfortable calling him that, I'm DC, we're overly PC. But after a little while I slipped it in and it seemed to be fine. He seemed to like that I was trying to adopt the nomenclature. I had called him that attempting to fit in, believing that it was an affectionate nickname. But one day, I think I wore out my welcome or he didn't like the tone I used and his feelings got hurt. We ended up making up, I dropped Taco, only used his real name, and ended up being the one to drive him to the airport when he was released so that he could surprise his wife on Valentines Day by returning home.

Getting jokes wrong and trying to "get in on the joke" is another symptom of SCS (Stupid Civilian Syndrome, say it with me folks). I still suffer from it sometimes, but I've earned my stripes with most of them, at least until next time I screw up. Most of the time you can apologize for your SCS, in fact feel free to call it that if it helps. If it doesn’t, just give it time, most, if not all are very very forgiving if they believe you to be sincere.

But I'm not here to browbeat. And like I said, I screw up all the time and get things wrong (a future blog on the etymology of the word "Grunt" is forthcoming). I get awkward and scared, I worry about losing it and starting to cry, I worry that there is no way to not sound like an ass and end up putting my foot in my mouth all the time. I've taken to just apologizing before I talk now sometimes, if I think I'm headed down Ignoramus Lane.

For now, I will offer a short list of alternatives to the knee jerk idiot questions and greetings I have mentioned. This is by no means exhaustive and will be added to in the future. This also includes conversation starters in case their injury feels like a pink elephant in the room and you just want to chit chat.
The two easiest one's to memorize are the following:
"Thank you for your service"
"Welcome back"

Other questions that help ease into a conversation (these are humans remember, just like you and me!)
"Where are you from? (or some variation: "Where's home" or "Where is your unit from")
"Please let me know if there is anything I can do or help out with" (Try not to shake your head when you say this though, it comes off as patronizing)
"How is treatment/recovery going?" (This is touchy, but acceptable as it shows that you are interested in their recovery. If you are a staffer, it might be good to know how they are being treated)
"Have you been able to tour the city at all?" (Many of them have only seen Georgia Ave and if you have some suggestions about cool things to see, it’s a nice gesture, heck, maybe you could even offer to show them around, this IS the Nations Capitol)


That's it for now, but it's a good start. Like I said, I am sure I will screw up again sometime soon. SCS can be illusive. So much of the war is so visual and accessible now. You can look almost anything up. But don't forget, you don't know shit.

"I used to have a pretty high IQ before I left".

Its Halloween night here in the city. Sirens are blaring every hour or less outside of my window. I don't live in a bad neighborhood mind you, NW to be exact. Tonight thousands of people will descend upon lower Georgetown for the annual Halloween drag races.

On my way home just now I saw heards of college students in clever, ambigious and assenine costumes waiting to join the festivities down on M St. The irony of my night struck me. I had just dropped off a family at Walter Reed after taking them trick or treating in some of the more friendly neighborhoods in DC, as Georgia Avenue can be pretty unforgiving for such activity. I had spoken with the Mom a last week about what some of the mothers were going to do being that a military hospital seemed a pretty grim place to spend Halloween. I had offered to try to coordinate a trip off base but had not heard back from her.

I had gotten a call from an unidentified number at work late today and it was the Mom I had spoken too’s husband. Her husband had sustained head injuries in Iraq and was having a pretty serious surgery this week. He explained that the party they thought was going on had already happened and whether or not my offer still stood to take the fam out for a little bit of normalcy on Halloween. I said of course and hopped in the car a little while later to scoot up before the sun went down, I wasn't quite sure where I was going to take them but I figured that people started trick or treating pretty early.

I didn't realize the Dad was going to come with us and felt a little ashamed of my small car as he squished his huge uniformed-frame and walking cane into my passenger seat, the kids and Mom snuggly packed in the back seat. A buddy of mine had mentioned that his neighborhood was going to be pretty fun tonight so we headed there.

He was right. The block was swarming with kids, porches with carved pumpkins and even one house was putting on some sort of play on their roof. It was like Pleasantville for a night, seriously. Fall leaves blowing down the sidewalks and in the streets, little feet running around and echoes of “trickertreat!” up and down the street. I joined the family for a few houses, but then peeled back to my buddy's house to let them have some family time.

There are so many small details I want to record, but they don’t belong to me. So many things I want to describe and moments about tonight with them that were so sweet and joyful, despite the fact that they were in a random neighborhood, being shuffled around by an almost stranger. But those moments and smiles and jokes belong to that family, I felt so blessed to witness them.

The kids were ages 12 and 16. Now you might be wondering why a 16 year old would want to trick or treat, but when you are living in a hotel/outpatient center, being home schooled and have not a soul your age to hang out with, trick or treating is about the best thing you have going. The kid-er young man- is so great too. Such a brave and good kid, I was almost happy that he didn’t have to deal with how awful the kids probably would be if he were in regular school.

He walked his sister up to each door and occasionally grabbed a few pieces of candy for himself in his homemade pirate costume. He had customized a pea coat with green glow bracelet pieces to look like pirate jacket hinges. It was great. I had a curly black wig that I had brought along and a white cap with an anchor on it that completed the outfit. Once he had the wig on, and his age was less apparent, he seemed to be more comfortable approaching the houses. That was also when I took off.

After they walked the blocks and made it back, we piled in the car and headed to my place. My sister was house-sitting close by and wanted us to stop over. I wanted to show them the rooftop view from my building, which is a sprawling 360 degree view of the entire city, MD and VA. We grabbed some ginger bread and cider in my lobby (they had a party tonight for the residents, we missed the ice cream) and headed up to the roof. I could tell the Dad was tiring but putting on a fun face for the Kids.

They were amazed by the view, but we spent about 20 minutes watching the planes land at National Airport. The planes were littering the sky, I had never seen so many. The Dad and Son laughed and explained to me the flight patterns and maneuvers pretty knowledgeably. They were one after one and buzzing all around in the distance like fireflies. I heard the Dad mutter quietly "The sky reminds me of...." and then he trailed off.

We left the deck and traipsed down to the house my sister was sitting. She knew that we would be her only visitors and had put out a bunch of beautiful pumpkins and candles on the porch and stairs. She had also ordered pizza. She poured some wine for the adults when we entered the house and we all plopped in front of the TV. (The friend she was house-sitting for wouldn't mind, trust me.)We joked around, the kids talked about their favorite shows and the parents ended up telling us the story about how they met. Everyone was so relaxed, it was as if we had known each other for years. My cousin also came down and so it was like two families, hanging out, like normal.

The younger daughter, who had been ultra chatty and rambunctious, was out like a light on the couch having scarfed a few slices of pizza pretty quickly. The Son had pulled out his video game player while we all listened to the story of the couple meeting, their first date and their wedding day. It was touching, hilarious and remarkable, but it’s none of your business.

Later we piled back into the car and headed back to the base. I almost felt bad taking them back there. I wanted to tuck the kids into normal beds and wished that the parents had a couch to snuggle up on together. The community at Walter Reed is pretty amazing, the way that folks lean on each other and create community. The rooms at the base aren't bad mind you, but it's not home. No, Georgia Avenue is definitely not home for most, if not all, of the folks I meet there. Its limbo.

When I dropped them off the Dad gave me a huge bear hug and whispered thank you in my ear. I told him to make his wife call me more often, and that I would come visit when he was out of surgery. They had some rough weeks ahead and his Wife commented that it was nice to get out and feel normal for a night. That made me feel good. They were all so courageous and tough. Four of them living in a hotel room together and so grateful for a night out amongst us civilians.

I pulled out of the base, and was pretty thoughtful, as I usually am when I leave. A sort of numbness comes over me, too much to sort out and remember. I usually end up praying, just saying thank you that their lives were in tact and that they had made it back. Sometimes the CS kicks in and I cry or get mad. The Dad was so articulate about so many things, so cute with his kids, so gentle with his Son and Daughter and so proud of his Wife, it was hard to be anything but reflective and appreciative.

So on the way home, when I passed those kids, those privileged college kids, waiting in a herd for the bus, something that the Dad said to me rang in my ears over and over. He had sustained some sort of head injury in Iraq, but I hadn't asked for details. I usually don’t, unless they offer. He had said "I had a pretty high IQ before I left" as part of some quick chatting we had done about John Kerry's comments regarding "studying hard, going to college" and "being stuck in Iraq". Just so I don't forget them, I want to include them in this post:

"You know, education, if you make the most of it, you study hard, you do your homework and you make an effort to be smart, you can do well. If you don't, you get stuck in Iraq."

I passed a few more bus stops with college kids from American and Georgetown on the way home. I'm a Georgetown grad myself and remember night after drunken night, the amount of time partying that we all did, and how much my friends still did party, myself included. I could really digress into a rant here, my thoughts fly all over the place when I relistened to Kerry’s comments. But I can’t say he’s the only sanctimonious one stumping on the war.

Sheesh, I was at a veterans’ party hosted by the RNC’s Capitol Club once and the country music star they had performing during dinner, spent more time preach-ahem-talking, than he did singing. Even I got up during one of his patriotic pre-song sermons for a smoke with some of the vets. One of them commented to me “I don’t know if the Dems have parties like these, but we’ve never been to them. But every time we come here, its like being in fuckin’ church.”

Ever since I started heading up to Walter Reed I have listened to the endless war chatter differently. I have many friends in power suits, who talk policy over cocktails in Capitol Hill bars night after night. The talking gets deafening sometimes as they seem more interested in rhetorical jousting and intellectual masturbation. A different form of Civilian Syndrome (that I like to call Stupid Civilian Syndrome or SCS) isn’t about being sensitive to bullshit artists like these, it is also about continuing to spew it with very little experience or concern for accuracy or pragmatism.

Liberal wonks consider them the enlisted poor and uneducated; conservatives consider them the humble worker bees. And while I am not naive enough to ignore that a significant part of the military is a subsidized social welfare program, and that the structure of the military does act a little like boarding school for some folks, the elitism that pervades this country with regards to our troops now has a poster boy in John Kerry.

I won’t excuse Republicans either though, as this will probably be only looked at and used as a much needed and appreciated election distraction. I’d say that paired with Rush’s recent commentary on Michael J. Fox’s condition, that the parties are even, in terms of the number of feet they each have in their mouth. One difference, John Kerry helps to form policy and Rush is a fricken entertainer. Course these days its hard to tell. Dems treat entertainers like policymakers and Reds treat policymakers like entertainers. The laughter in the press room with Tony Snow is almost as often and as rancorous as the laughter on set at Jon Stewart. Which is dispicable. (I am also aware of the hypocrisy of my critique of Hill wonk pontificating being followed by a diatribe on partisan politicking despite my alleged disdain for it).

But when I heard Kerry’s comments earlier today, I wasn't struck by the insult to the military at first. I was struck by the credit he gave students, making "an effort to be smart". Because our colleges, high schools and even graduate schools (especially our graduate schools if you ask me) are FILLED with folks who don't give a shit about education, wisdom and service. Most of them care about making more money (which isn't bad all the time) or proving themselves right (which isnt bad all the time either). Sure, there are some amazing individuals out there, but for the most part I meet mindless drone after mindless drone pouring out with these expensive sheets of paper that mean that they are worth more in the job market.

I’ve heard managers complain about having to sift through resumes of overeducated, overvalued individuals who don’t know how to work for anybody but themselves and in their own way. Or they seek to avoid the whole mess by staying in academics, or think tanks where they can continue to enjoy the privilege of distanced intellectual safety and "success". I actually had a friend of mine comment to me (GU, LSE, Harvard and future Columbia PhD) that “hopefully I’ll never have to get a real job.” He’s going to be a goddamn economics professor one day and he’s never had a real job in his life! Here’s to those making an “effort to be smart”Mr. Kerry!

Don't get me wrong, I love Georgetown. I love its ethos. I love its history, one that is folded right into American history. My education there was a privelege not an entitlement, and although I wasn't a perfect student by any means, my parents did a hell of a job teaching me that I was obligated to work for my degree, not just during college but after. Many college kids don't realize this. They think that their high priced degrees will get them jobs immediately after graduation. And not just any jobs, the PERFECT job. Parents enable this by letting the kids rot at home for months and years after college so they dont have to take jobs they hate or "waste money on rent". But I'll stop short at claiming that everyone there was making an "effort to be smart" all the time, even me. It wasn't the callousness to the military that I found the most offensive, it was Kerry’s obtuse and idealistic perspective on the "educated" that I found most stunning, arrogant and warped. Many folks don't have the economic priveledge of having their parents enable their existential stroll through their 20s, and many of them join the military as a way to pay for education and living costs. Heck, even I have considered it for graduate school. Again, Kerry's comments weren't offensive to me at first because of the implication that the military is undereducated, but at how easy he made it seem to "be successful".

As I stared at these students tonight, all dressed up, waiting for the bus I thought of the dozens of folks their age I knew at the hospital. No shuttle to take them to town, no party to head to, no bizarre rituals to share with their friends, just the quiet that usually shrouds the base and the company of other injured soldiers who apparently hadn't tried hard enough to "get educated" like the students in front of me.

These "campuses" are only a few miles apart, but tonight I felt a huge crevasse between them, and it was, indeed, as if it was Iraq that lay between them. I also couldn't help but think that if these college kids were dropped in the middle of Iraq how totally screwed we would be. But I guess you are listening to someone who believes that the Middle Class values that we used to cherish in this country are the only thing we have that might actually "sell" the Middle East on democracy....not some Upper Ruling class kid channeling Bernard Lewis to someone that has been broke and threatened his whole life. Hearts and minds aren't some victory trophy to be "won", you don't "win" respect, you earn it. You don't "win" peace either, you build it. It makes sense that those coming up with these rhetorically inane slogans and theories never really had to earn anything on their own. But I digress.....

I don’t know why I’m including this and a better writer would wrap this into some prolific moral conclusion for you, but I also thought of something a Jesuit once told me, when I was having serious academic difficulties myself. I wont talk more about why this quote was revelant to me at the time, but its still playing like a broken record in my head about the Kerry comments for some reason. He said “There’s a difference between being smart and being intelligent. A rat can wonder into a trap, and while the smart one knows he is now in a trap and may know how to get out, the intelligent rat knows to avoid the trap altogether.”


Ironically, I realized Kerry’s words sounded almost, well, like a Bushism. There was wisdom there, but not in the way he thought or meant(as Bush tends to do as well- Go Yale). The more his words echoed in my head, the more I thought of the family I had just been with, and stared at the students herded at the bus stop anxious to get down to the fun. The lines “I used to have a pretty high IQ before I left” and “make an effort to be smart” pinballed in my head for a while.

Kerry’s words rang out in my ears, but not as a warning to the unmotivated (as he seemed to have meant it, as if to scare them into studying). His words echoed more as a warning to these young future “leaders” all “making an effort” in school: You had better be smart folks, and work hard, cause if you don’t, you will, indeed, get - someone else - stuck in Iraq.