Public Service Announcement #1

Okay boys and girls, its time to learn how to talk to your vets. Sure, I was like you once, nervous, ignorant, struggling to figure out what to say...heck I still am sometimes. But since spending alot of time with these humble patriots, I have learned that these are times to just button it. They know you are ignorant as to the nature and circumstances of their injury and most of them are far more gracious and classy than I would act in the situation. My interactions and adventures with these soldiers has taught me alot and rather than get angry at my fellow civilians, I offer the following as a modest public service announcement on behalf of soldiers that are too modest and forgiving to take the time to correct you in person. This will probably be the first of many public service announcements as I learn more every day and am stupefied at the new ways that civilians insult, degrade and flat out disrespect the folks that have been "there and back", often unknowingly.

THE FOLLOWING SHOULD NEVER BE ASKED TO ANY OIF/OEF VETERAN. NOT EVER. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES IS THE FOLLOWING A JUSTIFIABLE COMMENT TO MAKE. THIS IS JUST A QUICK SAMPLE OF STATEMENTS ACTUALLY MADE IN MY PRESENCE AND TO VETERANS THAT I KNOW:

"Did you kill anyone"

"Does that hurt"

"Wow, Iraq, sheesh, it's really crazy over there huh?"

"What did you do to your leg!?"

"I support you, but I don't support what you did"

"I don't support you, because you support George Bush"

"How many people did you kill?"

"Did you shoot any kids?" (Possibly the worst, but I have heard it asked)

"Do you like what you did?"

"How'd you fuck up your leg?" (Actually stated to a young soldier wearing an Army shirt in the hallway of a Senate office building)

"What's it like to shoot someone?"

"Do you miss him?" (Actually asked to a vet about a fallen soldier in his unit that he was friends with)

"Iraq, gosh, how was that?" (Asked by a Congressional Hill staffer, actually standing IN the Rep's office)

"I bet you appreciate life here in America a little more now eh?!" (overheard being said to a vet once)

"Wait, that happened in Iraq,…. are you serious?"


While some of these might sound a little similar in their tone or agenda, the cumulative effect of comments like these is clear. They make you sound like an idiot or a complete jerk. People try to be so polite and sensitive, it's hilarious to witness. They lean over, with their hands on their hips and talk to vets like they are puppies. It's like they don't realize that there are actual human beings taking shrapnel over there. Like I've said, the war is entertainment, and I guess the soldiers have become actors rather than real people. When I witnessed a staffer talk to a quadruple purple heart recipient, (Who also had two bronze stars, served both as a Marine and an Infantryman, two tours) ask "How was Iraq?" I just about lost it. The vet of course maintained composure and was a lesson in grace, while I gritted my teeth behind a very fake smile.

Of course once we got in my car to head back to W/R we rehashed the moment. He said "I felt like looking at her and saying, it was FUCKING GREEN ACRES BITCH!" A part of me really wish he had. When do people really get a tongue lashing for being complete idiots? Like right when it happens? Course I say this being ignorant to multiple times when I am sure I have said something stupid so who knows.


This brings up humor. Humor can be a very helpful thing, so don't always feel the need to be somber or overly thankful. They'll think you are kissing their ass. Plus most of these folks have very dark senses of humor. Sometimes its dry wit, sometimes sarcasm, other times its just downright sick. But it's the way that they are coping, dealing and working through what has happened to them, so don't get offended or pull back in horror. You can act a little shocked, but getting all PC offended will just make you look like a jackass. If there is one thing I've learned as a civilian, is that once these folks are back, there isn't anything they haven't seen, heard or made fun of. I mean that, I have heard jokes made about things I didn't know could be joked about. And it's not because they are innately rude or crude folks, it's because war is fucking hard and war in a vast sand pit with very little privacy is even harder. Humor is how they deal with it, if you can't then that is your problem.

I once witnessed a double amputee refer to how quickly he was going to kick another vets ass by stating "I'll F you up faster than I lost my legs". You are allowed to laugh at this joke, but not too hard. I just usually sort of smirk, rarely do you want to erupt and start slapping knees. People have tried this in the vain attempt to bond with them, it’s a natural response, despite being totally asenine. Also, as a civilian it is your job to listen, not to tell them about their service. I have been to too many vet events and witnessed celebrities and politicians get very preachy to those that have returned home. A few words of reflection are fine, if not appropriate. But long winded speeches and diatribes about God and Country, and freedom and hope are really boring the shit out of these folks. I mentioned in a previous post that one vet considered an RNC event like "being in fucking church." From what I have witnessed, these individuals have beliefs, its sort of why they signed up in the first place.
Sidebar personal note: I think there is way too much laughter in the White House Press Briefing Room. I also think that Jon Stewart makes WAY to many punch-lines about the war. His whole career is making jokes about a war that isn't a joke. For me, the laughter is getting way way WAY too loud and too frequent. I'm tempted to sneak amputees into both studios and just wait for them to joke around with actual vets in the room. Who knows if the vets agree with me on this, again, just a personal note.


Lastly, if you are nervous about whether or not a joke will be offensive or rude, just don't tell it. Just shut up and let the quiet moment pass. There is no reason to fill the air. In a lot of cases, silence is a nice thing for them, even if it makes you feel awkward. There was also a guy who was of Mexican heritage at W/R that I used to hang out with. He was missing a thumb but still knew how to shuffle a deck of cards pretty well. The other guys called him Taco, because he was Mexican. We had become friends, but once I referred to him as Taco just one too many times and it hurt his feelings. I don't know why, but it just didn't sit well that day, that some privileged Georgetown grad was calling him Taco. At first I had felt uncomfortable calling him that, I'm DC, we're overly PC. But after a little while I slipped it in and it seemed to be fine. He seemed to like that I was trying to adopt the nomenclature. I had called him that attempting to fit in, believing that it was an affectionate nickname. But one day, I think I wore out my welcome or he didn't like the tone I used and his feelings got hurt. We ended up making up, I dropped Taco, only used his real name, and ended up being the one to drive him to the airport when he was released so that he could surprise his wife on Valentines Day by returning home.

Getting jokes wrong and trying to "get in on the joke" is another symptom of SCS (Stupid Civilian Syndrome, say it with me folks). I still suffer from it sometimes, but I've earned my stripes with most of them, at least until next time I screw up. Most of the time you can apologize for your SCS, in fact feel free to call it that if it helps. If it doesn’t, just give it time, most, if not all are very very forgiving if they believe you to be sincere.

But I'm not here to browbeat. And like I said, I screw up all the time and get things wrong (a future blog on the etymology of the word "Grunt" is forthcoming). I get awkward and scared, I worry about losing it and starting to cry, I worry that there is no way to not sound like an ass and end up putting my foot in my mouth all the time. I've taken to just apologizing before I talk now sometimes, if I think I'm headed down Ignoramus Lane.

For now, I will offer a short list of alternatives to the knee jerk idiot questions and greetings I have mentioned. This is by no means exhaustive and will be added to in the future. This also includes conversation starters in case their injury feels like a pink elephant in the room and you just want to chit chat.
The two easiest one's to memorize are the following:
"Thank you for your service"
"Welcome back"

Other questions that help ease into a conversation (these are humans remember, just like you and me!)
"Where are you from? (or some variation: "Where's home" or "Where is your unit from")
"Please let me know if there is anything I can do or help out with" (Try not to shake your head when you say this though, it comes off as patronizing)
"How is treatment/recovery going?" (This is touchy, but acceptable as it shows that you are interested in their recovery. If you are a staffer, it might be good to know how they are being treated)
"Have you been able to tour the city at all?" (Many of them have only seen Georgia Ave and if you have some suggestions about cool things to see, it’s a nice gesture, heck, maybe you could even offer to show them around, this IS the Nations Capitol)


That's it for now, but it's a good start. Like I said, I am sure I will screw up again sometime soon. SCS can be illusive. So much of the war is so visual and accessible now. You can look almost anything up. But don't forget, you don't know shit.