Men For Others: They don't serve so you won't have to, they serve because you don't have to.


Okay this will be a flat out rant. Nothing else. And now, a deep inhale......


You know its odd, many doors can open for you, but there is always one that stays stubbornly closed, and that is always the door you want to open the most. Its a vice of mine, a major one, that I harp on about such closed doors, when I should be thankful for the ones that have opened. But its hard and I can't. I want this door, right here, this one, with its shiny handle and varnished wood to open, others be damned.

This door is a door to the world of the young upper class college grad. I could name schools specifically, but I won't. I've made it obvious where I went to college, and while much of my disappointment has to do with my fellow Hoyas, I've experienced it from many other alums from many other schools. Ugh, this post feels like such a waste, but I have to get it out and just close the book on my anger once and for all. But somehow this demographic continues to find new ways to disappoint me, hell, even to mock and patronize me and my efforts.

Its not bad enough I have had, and our vets have had to tolerate the extreme ignorance of the college graduate on Capitol Hill from staffers and various tie-wearers, but on top of Stupid Fucking Civilian Syndrome, I am inventing a new illness, Callous Asshole Syndrome. Thats right, this is a very different, but related malady that deserves its own nomenclature because it goes way beyond ignorance and steps right into offensive fucker territory.

These "priveleged" "educated" folks that I went to school with, that I have the unfortunate responsibility of sharing a generation with, have really found some creative ways to be obtuse and so utterly disappointing it has literally sent me into a very melancholic state. What, pray tell, could have catalyzed such an enthusiastic person into a depression so bad she has had trouble getting up and doesn't even have the energy to cry?

A Christmas Party. A Christmas "Extravaganza" actually. Thats right, a party made me depressed. I know, I have real problems.

This Christmas/Holiday whatever party started off as an insider BYOB party at my buddy's house. These guys have a penchant for the extravagant mind you, and I often endulged their extreme ideas with artwork, decorations, music and animated antics myself. I missed the parties when I lived out in LA, and went to one the year that I returned to the East Coast. Even before I started volunteering with the vets the whole thing turned me off. It had become this minor celebrity event, with people spending alot of money on dresses, limos and tickets. The price now is up to 50 bucks, which brings us to the climax. I'll skip on the commentary, I am sure one can imagine what a 50 dollar DC yuppie party entails. I am sure you can imagine the people (who I am sure are "good people"), the versace dresses and clinking highball glasses, so I'll spare us.

By the time of last years party I had started volunteering at W/R and didn't really feel like spending money on the party. I would have rather spent the money on a grill out behind the hospital and to be honest, I just didn't have it. And I certainly wasn't going to go broke trying to get there. A dress, taxis, shoes, whatever, it ended up being an expensive night and this was also post Katrina. Considering the fact that my family is from NOLA and we were only a few months out of the disaster, again, spending a bunch of money partying with the priveleged wasn't my cup of Christmas punch.

I had also, in vain, tried to nudge these boys into making the party a small fundraiser that year for Katrina. Just tacking two bucks to the ticket price or putting a jar out for donations, SOMETHING, but no. I was flatly told "This is a drinking party, we give enough". As if this demographic needs more parties! He acted as if they all spend their days slaving away to make the world a better place. Please. As an upper class, "well-educated" DC yuppie myself, I can tell you. All these people do is party. A week doesn't go by that they arent off to some destination wedding, bachelor party, guys night weekend, girls spa day, work happy hour, networking happy hour, alumni party, homecoming, vegas baby vegas trip, NCAA tournament, ski New years party or what. I even got invited to a "best buy bar crawl". Where apparently the host thought it was "FUNNY" to dress up in best buy employee "costumes" and bar hop. I was being a "party pooper" by questioning why this was funny? Or even fun for that matter. He was planning on handing out Employee Awards "The Office" style and nametags. This was all a fucking riot to dress up as employees you had never been apparently. I don't know, the irony of dressing up as the employees who probably have to deal with his uptight, needy, rich boy ass seemed so staggering. I came really close to rounding up some real Best Buy employees and showing up at the party to see how funny this would be.

Anyways, Tequila Tours, hashers, Funny sweater parties, martini parties, OC parties, Grey's Anatomy parties, iPod parties, horseraces, over the top baby showers, exotic island getaways and cruises, it never fucking ends. Date functions, tailgaiting parties, balls, golf, oscar parties, you name it and my generation has found a way to turn it into a party. The only thing I cant seem to turn into a party is supporting our troops.

In an attempt to capture this "have to party" mentality, I figured I could throw some parties at bars that my friends knew and invite some of the local W/R boys out. That way, no one was forced to be in a place they didnt want to be, out of obligation. The boys dont know where to go, its hard to interact in this city as a civilian, but doing it with missing limbs, or tolerating the inane conversations routinely overheard in bars about the war, cant be good for the game or the psyche. Most of the time these folks spend time being depressed about how much DC sucks, rather than what they experienced in war. Imagine that. DC is worse to them than IRAQ. And I wonder why.....lets see.


***Disclaimer: This is not to say that there arent a great many groups (usually run by older folks) trying to do their best for these guys. Wounded Warriors, USO, Armed Forces Foundation, Helping Our Heroes, Fallen Angels etc....excluded. They are working overtime, but most of those events are group oriented and sometimes, a guy just wants to get around town on his own and meet a few new people.

Anyways,

You take a group of young people, 18-25 and plop them dead center in the middle of the most ethnically, racially, religiously, economically, culturally, politically hostile environments in the history of humankind. Then when they get blown up you send them to Georgia Fucking avenue, possibly one of the more dangerous, less inviting, ethnically complicated neighborhoods in the city to "recoup" and "reorient". YAH. These guys are getting robbed, held up and ignored by cabs while waiting right out front (this is after hobbling about a quarter of a mile from the hotel where they are staying to the front gates as cabs wont come on base usually). They try to go out, but the cabs alone cost 30-40 bucks to get to a decent part of town. Once they are there, they are expected to "relax" in crowded, fashionable bars filled with the very folks I graduated with, as they discuss the major issues in the world while swaddled in their latest J Crew purchase. They also expect these guys to metro it. Yeah, as if. "Here you go soldier!! Head on down that very steep escalator and then heard yourself into a crowded train so that you can get pushed around and not offered the handicap seat by someone sitting reading the express with a fucking ipod in!" Yeah, thats gunna work.

I know some guys who will take the metro, but most wont and cant. The reasons are both physical and emotional. But anyways, back to my story. I know I'm ADD here, but I said this was a rant. And nothing else. I am sure there are some logical points here that I should try to do justice by, but I dont have time for that.

So anyways, Ive been trying to throw these parties, just casual social gatherings, stick a few bucks in the jar for a certain org that is trying to assist the vets. Nothing major. Moderate to low turn out, but I remained hopeful. So many of these upper crust folks said that they were going to forward the invitation around, I doubt that happened and in many cases I know for a fact it didnt happen. These folks have massive email lists, for all of these fucking jerk off parties they throw and not one of them ever cc'd me on jack shit. I also know it doesnt happen cause I've asked people on these distros if they ever got anything from a certain person and they say no. Everyone says yes in public. but they all say no, privately, again and again. After two or three of these events I realized that I was working harder to get these folks out than I was trying to get the vets out and social. I also noticed that I could literally cut the attendees and regrets (if they took the time to regret) down the middle by economics and education. My public school, working class friends would metro and commute in for these parties and my fellow ivory tower grads would say they were coming and then bail. Somewhere, Im sure there was something far more fashionable or entertaining to do than tip a few back with some vets staying here in the city.

Now I know I'm not supposed to care. I know I should consider such ire for such simple minded callous folks, but I can't get over it. I am sure that this somewhere deep has to do with some need to be liked, or acceptance, but really I could care less if they show up for me...this has to do with saying you are going to do something and then doing nothing. It has to do with flaking and privelege. I try to channel my energies, don't let them get to me, work with what you have and all that. But no. I can't and I don't care if I sound like a jerk saying it or some pathetic jealous loser. Its about time these guys were called out on how selfish and callous they are. And I can't find it in my right mind how this isn't "everyones issue" not just mine. We sat in college together and discussed terrorism, foreign policy, political science, the elections, foreign governments and shared a bowl occasionally while discussing conflict resolution. We sipped beers and watched the elections and argued, and on 9-11 we were in DC watching the Pentagon burn from our dorm apartment buildings. Yet these guys went off to war to allegedly try to make the violence stop and gave alot of themselves trying to protect our safe little college student asses. Most of them getting no where near college themselves. They dont serve so you won't have to, they serve because you don't have to. This is all economics to me now. Its become so clear. The poor boys fight for the rich boys. Got it. Somehow the rich boys end up going to law school, running for office and voting for a war and sending the poor boys kids off to war 30 years later though....and we rich kids just keep watching from the safety of our priveleged dorm rooms, apartments, televisions and ipods.

Am I jealous of how happy they are? Am I jealous that they have money to play around and I dont? Who knows, maybe, I am sure someone will analyze this as some jealous rage, and maybe you are right. But I bet I'm not alone. Its one thing to be selfish, but to me, apathy is the gravest sin. Tell me that you can't handle it, tell me that its a hard issue for you to distribute, tell me that you aren't sure this is the best approach. Give me something! but dont fucking lie to me and tell me that you are really excited and want to help when you fully know you wont. A jesuit at Georgetown, one that knew more financial aid kids than popped collars, once described a few of these private high school graduates, mainly boys, by saying, "Yeah, that kids a high school hero, college zero". These are the boys that dangle their prep school key chain from their pocket and talk about how they went on Kairos in high school and ran the student government. Most of the time, they spend their college days as big men on campus, who talk about their "jesuit education" almost anecdotally.

So, anyways, not to wander into another rant, Ive had these little social parties and the vets have really loved them, even though barely anyone shows up. They say they are just happy to be out and not be at the hospital. They are so gracious and appreciative. But inside I'm stark raving mad at all of the people that stood them up. People often begin texting me "is it fun, should we come" at around midnight, and I'm like, go fuck yourself. I dont actually say that, I will often patiently reply with something enthusiastic, which they will then ignore.

So my parties were one thing, but this Christmas fucking extravaganza is quite another. A friend of mine has a sister that because of these parties has begun dating one of the vets at the hospital. She knows about this big party and was planning on taking him. He tells a few people that he is going to this big DC party and next thing you know I have some vets calling me asking about it. Course they get pretty quiet when they hear that its 50 bucks. So I try to take the initiative and make a few calls and IM a few folks. Tyr to make something happen....

I ask politely, as I know the big party isn't a money maker. I know alot of people make a big investment to make this party happen, but I also know that these people make alot of money. But I still ask politely, whether or not any special discount could be applied to just a few tickets so that I can bring some of these boys to the party. Flatly, my "friend" told me no.

After a bullshit description of how the party doesnt make money and all that, even though 400 people show up (or more) and even though I have seen these guys sneak people in with my own eyes, and even though the collared Jesuits that show up probably don't pay (even though they spring for sweet bartabs frequently for these boys), a discounted ticket was totally out of the question. He acted like I had asked him to include a limo and a hotel room.

He also said something that shook me to the core.



"Also, itll be depressing".





Like a fucking battleax to the heart, followed by slow agonizing scrapes on the eyes with a rusty fork is how I felt like I was being treated. And how I thought the vets were being considered. Depressing reminders for what is supposed to be a "good time". He asked me why I had to make "my issue everyone elses problem." I told him I wasn't trying to do that. That I was just in an awkward spot trying to explain to these guys that I was going to go, but couldn't bring them along. I told him it was just hard to say no or make some excuse up. Regardless, just ick. EGH. I held it together and told him thanks for his consideration and that I hoped he could reconsider it and maybe find some sponsors looking to show some vets a great time. He told me not likely, and in general was a smug little bastard about the whole thing.

I would later bump into some friends of this scoundrel and they asked me why I hadn't bought my tickets yet. I told them that my "dates couldn't afford the tickets".


So yeah, go Jesuit educated "men for others". Yeah, others just like them.